


Because of Bellamy

by softdelena



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - The 100 (TV) Fusion, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempt at Humor, Bellarke, Bellarke AU Week, Bellarke Fic Week, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Humor, Grief/Mourning, Humor, Love, Love/Hate, M/M, Sex, Smut, a lot of bellarke, bellarke modern au, kind of anti-flarke
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:41:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25248616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softdelena/pseuds/softdelena
Summary: Clarke Griffin isn’t too excited when her mother announces she’s dating a new man, Marcus Kane.But an awkward situation gets much worse when she is introduced for the first time to his son, Bellamy Blake.Except it isn't for the first time.
Relationships: Abby Griffin/Marcus Kane, Bellamy Blake & Clarke Griffin, Bellamy Blake & Nathan Miller, Bellamy Blake & Octavia Blake, Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Eric Jackson/Nathan Miller, Finn Collins/Clarke Griffin, Jasper Jordan/Maya Vie, Monty Green/Harper McIntyre, Octavia Blake/Lincoln
Comments: 62
Kudos: 157





	1. Force Field

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my first fan fic and i'm very excited to share it with you guys! happy reading <3
> 
> The chapter title is from the song 'Feel So Close' by Calvin Harris, and there's a indentation where you should start playing it in the chapter.

** Chapter 1 **

Tears blurred Clarke’s vision as she hastily stuffed hoodies, books and whatever else he’d left cluttered around her apartment into a cardboard box. Thumbing the material of his black cotton jumper that he always wore to bed, she was tempted to put it to her face and take in the smell of her ex-boyfriend one last time.

 _No_ , she thought to herself. _No, this is not you Clarke Griffin_. So instead she folded it back up, placing it back in the box with a heavy sigh.

Before the deep thoughts began to catch up with her, she reached for her phone, scrolling down her contact list to the letter ‘R’, and quickly pressed call.

“Raven?” Clarke croaked out, her voice barely a whisper.

“What’s happened?” she demanded, immediately knowing something was up, and Clarke could almost see the concern etched on her face through her the tone of her voice. She could be scary intense sometimes, but a big softie at heart.

She got straight to the point, “Are you coming home soon?”

Knowing she wouldn’t call this early unless there was a real problem, Raven instinctively jumped up from the couch, the sound of her keys and the slamming of a front door audible through the phone, telling Clarke she’d be right there and to stay put before hanging up.

She flung her phone onto the rug and slid down onto the wooden floor, the sofa propping up her back as she held her head in her hands, strands of blonde hair falling in front of her face. She was completely unable to process the thoughts racing through her mind.

Images of him she’d seen on Instagram not even 10 minutes before flashed through her head with _that_ girl. Her hands in his hair, his hands on her waist. Their bodies pressed up against each other’s in a way that made her stomach turn.

He’d cheated on her.

A 2-year relationship destroyed and for what? A bit of casual sex with some random girl apparently. But she was fine. Stuff him and stuff that girl.

Clarke Griffin doesn’t break, and certainly not over some guy.

The lock turned in the front door and she looked up, her arms falling loosely to her sides as she expected to see Raven storm through and give her some long talk about how men are trash, and that she doesn’t need one to survive. Especially not _him._

Except she wasn’t the one who walked through the door.

Her eyes widened in shock and utter disbelief as they trailed up the body of the visitor.

“Clarke?” he mumbled, his mouth opening as if he didn’t quite know what to say after that at the sight of her and his eyes quickly scanned the room, taking in the smashed photo of them on the floor and the box of his belongings. _Well this saves me having to give them back to him_ , she thought comically to herself.

As their eyes reconnected, she saw the realisation wash over him and then she knew he knew that she **knew.**

“Get out” she whispered under her breath in an unforgiving tone. He’d heard her alright though.

“Clarke…” his eyes were full of guilt, and as he started walking towards her, she shot up from her sitting position, backing away from him.

She took a deep breath stating, “I want you to leave, Finn. Take your things and leave your key behind. I just want you to get out of my life and never come back.”

“I’m so sor-“ he started.

“No you don’t get to be sorry. Don’t even try that with me. I thought I knew you, but I guess I don’t.” Shaking her head, she plastered on a tight-lipped smile, “Just go Finn.”

He raked a hand through his coppered locks of hair, biting down on his lip. Those same lips that had cheated on hers. Clarke felt sick to her stomach, but before he could protest, the door burst open revealing a very angry looking Raven.

“You heard her Finn. You better get out this minute or so help me God, I will punch you right in the face.”

He gulped and backed away as she stared him down, a look of disgust etched across her face.

“I’ll call you.” He promised, eyeing Clarke from the doorway, who at this point had turned to face the wall.

“Please don’t” Raven sang, slamming the door in the face which resulted in a resounding muffled “What the fuck?” from outside. She rolled her eyes and muttered, “Once a cheater always a cheater, I guess.”

Clarke’s eyes dropped from the wall immediately to the floor at that remark, given she knew exactly the way things has gone down between Raven and Finn in high school. But filled with blinding naivety that only a 21-year old straight out of college can have, and a desire not to be lonely, had dated him anyway, with Raven’s complete support of course.

“I am a complete idiot” she said turning back to Raven, wrapping her arms round herself in an effort to self-soothe the pain away.

“No..” she said slowly, “You are amazing and beautiful Clarke. Any guy who thinks differently is the idiot and if Collins can’t see the things I see, then it’s his loss.” Clarke offered up a weak smile at this point and Raven strode over to where she stood in the corner of the living room, enveloping her in a warm hug.

Trying to re-emphasize her argument, Raven pulled back from the embrace, bracing Clarke by her shoulders, slightly shaking her, adding “You have had your heart broken. I am calling the girls and we are taking you out tonight to Grounders to get royally pissed and make lots of bad decisions we will regret the next day. We good?”

Clarke nodded, inhaling sharply. She had her friends, her family, and more importantly the ability to hold her drink in a way that her friends simply could not.

She was going to be fine.

~*~

“The one’s with boyfriends are here!”

A smile broke out across Clarke’s face as Harper and Maya, literally swaying, strolled into the bedroom, bottles of wine in their hands. As a frown clouded Raven’s face, Harper backtracked, her smile falling flat in trepidation for Clarke’s reaction, “Too soon? I’ve been on the red.”

“Take the piss out of me as much as you so wish, I really don’t think the embarrassment can measure up to being cheated on and finding out through Instagram, of all things.” She chuckled, clearly masking the pain with humour.

 _Wow_ , she thought to herself, _Murphy is really rubbing off on me._

As if Maya could hear her thoughts, she tentatively asked the question none of them had dared to ask, “Soooo… Raven. How’s it going with Murphy?” Clarke groaned to herself as it suddenly dawned upon her that that was who she was with this morning, “You slept over?” she exclaimed in disbelief.

Raven didn’t fall for guys. They fell for _her._

She’d known her for 5 years, since they became college roommates at 18 and that instantly turned into best friends, bonding through their mutual loathing of the horrific pranks Jasper would pull on them. Luckily, he’d calmed it down on the antics-front since he started dating Maya.

Raven blushed a deep shade of red and my jaw dropped. “You love him?” Clarke squealed, her hands shooting up to cover her mouth in utter surprise. “That’s a strong word to use”, she mumbled, her eyes focusing on the plant on her desk in trying not to make eye-contact with the girls.

This just earned wide-eyed looks of amazement from all three girls. Harper piped up, winking at Raven, “Two questions. Who is this Murphy guy and does he have a brother?”

“He doesn’t but that shouldn’t matter to you McIntyre, as you are otherwise engaged… literally.” She remarked, pointedly settling her gaze on the ring on her finger. Harper rolled her eyes and joked that, “What Monty doesn’t know can’t hurt him…” Clarke’s eyebrows raised at this, stating, “Well you can rely on my own personal experience that you always get found out in the end.” She downed the rest of her glass of wine, a grimace falling over her face at its bitter taste.

Harper’s smile quickly sub-dued and she gritted her teeth apologetically. “He’s a dick, Clarke. What I meant to say is that we support you unconditionally and we love you!”

Raven and Maya nodded at this in agreeance, with the former pointing out, “Anyways, he doesn’t have a particularly big one either, I’ve seen it too remember!”

Clarke covered her face with her hand in embarrassment, “God, don’t remind me. The fact he’s cheated on both of us makes me feel just that little bit more stupid.” Harper smiles slyly, pouring more wine into their glasses, “Here’s to making more stupid decisions tonight, eh?”

 _This is exactly what I need_ , Clarke thought to herself. A good girl’s night out with no guys and specifically, no Finn to complicate things.

~*~

As the girls slid out of the cab, Clarke began to seriously regret her clothing choice. Funnily enough, it seemed like she was facing a lot of regret recently.

Raven had practically forced black stilettos and a low-cut black dress on her, calling it her _‘_ revenge body outfit’, which ended where her thigh met her bum and seemed to become increasingly uncomfortable the more time spent in public with it on. Glancing in a shop window whilst queuing to get into Grounders, she had to admit she looked good. She rarely dressed up given her hectic schedule gathering work experience at the hospital whilst still studying at med-school, and it was nice to feel pretty once in a while, even if it wasn’t to impress anyone.

Just as standing in heels was starting to tax her feet, Murphy grabbed Raven’s hands and led them all into the club, bypassing the queue which earned their party a few frustrated huffs by the people still waiting in the cold.

Sleeping with a bartender has its perks clearly.

It was fully packed as they zig-zagged their way through the busy dance floor, where countless bodies were grinding up against each other, until they reached the bar and sat themselves down on stools.

 _I am so not drunk enough for this_ , she cursed underneath her breath.

“Then drink up Princess”

Clarke’s head snapped upwards to see a shot of tequila being pushed towards her by a large, tan hand. Her eyes trailed upwards to identify the owner of said hand and landed on the face of a tall, dark-skinned man with black curls and freckles peppered across his nose and cheeks. He stood behind the bar, an apron tied around his waist, his arms crossed in a way which showcased the bulging muscles underneath his shirt. Her mouth quickly turned dry as she scrambled to form a sentence in response.

“Thanks…” she paused, unable to read his name tag.

Maybe she had drank more than she’d thought.

“Bellamy.” He prompted, the dimples on his face becoming more prominent as he smiled at her.

She narrowed her eyes, her nose wrinkled upwards in deep thought, “That’s a weird name.”

Nope, she was definitely drunk. Unfiltered Clarke was rising to the surface much quicker than usual tonight.

“So is Princess,” he retorted, intrigue spreading across his well-structured face. She almost wanted to reach out and stroke his cheekbones they were so well-defined.

“But my name isn’t Princess,” she pointed out, a grin forming, resting her head in her hands, her elbows grounded solidly on the bar.

“Okay so what is your name then?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” she teased, and with one gulp, downed the shot. He looked impressed but before he could formulate a snarky reply, Raven leaned over.

“Her name’s Clarke”, she informed him, and then turned to her. “You good?”

Clarke produced an unconvincing smile and Raven squeezed her shoulder and sighed, “Another round of shots on me Bellamy, just put them on my tab” she said, tapping her fingers on the bar.

“Coming right up Reyes.” he responded, sneaking a glance at Clarke before heading into the back to get more stock.

Clarke’s gaze followed him until he disappeared out of it. “What a pretty stranger”, she reflected, and Raven’s eyebrows shot up in worry.

“Bellamy is bad news Clarke.”

“And how would you know?”

“He’s Murphy’s best friend… I know things. Plus, it’s still early on in the night. At least settle on shagging someone who isn’t working the bar during it!”

Clarke giggled, propping her chin up with her hand, her elbow resting on the bar. “You have”. Raven blushed as Murphy caught her eye from another section of the bar he was working and bit her lip to stop her smile from spreading. Raven wasn’t one for letting her guard down easy.

Clarke snapped out of her trance when Bellamy returned with the drinks and the girls toasted to her, “Here’s to moving on, letting go and to bigger dicks!” Harper announced, “Physically not metaphorically, of course”, she added with a giggle.

~*~

Several hours later and the place was still heaving with people, but the constant supply of alcohol from Murphy meant that the girls were still on their feet, albeit the heels were nowhere to be seen by this point, dancing and singing like they were the only people in the club.

Regardless, it didn’t seem to matter how much Clarke drank, she couldn’t erase the dull ache in her stomach that Finn had left, when he left her. It did seem, however, as if as the night wore on, strangers were getting increasingly handsy with her. She didn’t mind it, but wasn’t entirely used to getting attention, especially given before Finn would have stopped them, or at least tried to.

The fact that her thoughts always made it back to him, as if he was at the epicentre of her life, frustrated her a lot.

She needed a distraction.

Her eyes flitted across the room, scanning the people on the dancefloor until they rested on a figure leant over the bar, collecting glasses, his shirt sleeves rolled up revealing some incredibly built forearms.

Inhibitions high from the drinks Raven had plied her with in the hours leading up till then, Clarke pulled down her dress and pulled her hair down from the ponytail she had put it up in to dance in, blonde curls falling down to frame her face. She took several unsteady steps to the edge of the dancefloor, nearly tripping as she made her way to the bar.

“Dance with me?” she asked after intaking a deep breath.

Bellamy smirked and turned back around, facing her. “You know I’d love to, but I’ve gotta work” he said, folding his arms across his chest as he leant against the bar in the way that made Clarke’s mouth dry up. He reacted to her silence with a sly grin, knowing the exact effect that he was having on her.

Hell, the effect he had on any girl.

“Oh!” she said flustered, “Sorry, I’ll let you…um… get back to work then.” Before Clarke could turn away, her face flushed with embarrassment, a pair of unfamiliar hands claimed hold of her waist and she sensed the unwelcome feel of warm breath on her neck.

“I’ll dance with you sweetheart” the man behind her leered, and Clarke tried to pry his hands off her body, but her efforts were to no avail as they snaked around further, trying to pull her back to the middle of the club.

Clarke’s heart began to pound as his hands started to wander. But before she could say something, a deep voice said slowly, “Take your hands off of her.” Clarke looked up at this and saw Bellamy suddenly stood in front of her, his fists clenched and his eyes dark. The man released her from his grasp and backed away, his hands held up in the air in surrender.

Clarke tucked a curl behind her ear, letting out a sigh of relief and mouthing a thank you to Bellamy, a smile spreading across her face.

He reciprocated this smile, stepping forward to touch her arm in a feeble attempt to comfort her.

It worked.

A flurry of butterflies settled in her stomach as the warmth from his touch radiated through her body and her blue eyes connected with his dark ones.

Bellamy coughed and it shook them out of the trance they had found themselves in, removing his hand to scratch the back of his head to dissipate the awkward atmosphere that had arisen.

“Still want to dance with me Princess?”

“I thought you were working” she teased, her hands on her hips. It was at this point that his gaze dropped to where her hands sat, and she blushed. “And you know my name. Why don’t you use it?”

“Clarke” he responded, his face scrunching up in scrutiny as if he wanted confirmation, to which she nodded. “I’m taking a break.”

“Just for me? I’m flattered.”

“Actually, I love my job, so in one sense, a break is actually a downlight of my shift.”

She snorted at this, eyebrows raised, "Okay."

“What?” he questioned, mocking her, “You don’t like your job?”

She stayed quiet at this. It wasn’t that she didn’t like working at the hospital, but her mom was always on her back about her future and how she wasn’t getting any younger. She did love Abby, don’t get wrong. But Clarke found herself frequently wishing she had pursued another career in which she didn’t have to be reminded of her shortcomings during every shift.

“It’s interesting” she spat out, talking fast to fill the uncomfortable pauses where their eyes met, “Keeps me busy.”

He opened his mouth as if he was about to talk, and then closed it again, her eyes fixated on his plump lips and how they would feel against hers.

_Stop it Clarke._

Sensing they both probably needed a few more drinks, Bellamy poured another round of shots, which the girls joined them for. Clarke’s eyes didn’t leave Bellamy’s whilst they drank, despite the alcohol building up in her system making it difficult for her to concentrate on any one figure.

***play “Feel So Close” by Calvin Harris now***

Jumping from over the top of the bar, he offered her a hand and dragged her out into the thralls of the club, his fingers intertwined in hers above their heads as they danced to the steady beat of the music.

_I feel so close to you right now, it’s a force field_

_I wear my heart up on my sleeve, like a big deal_

Clarke’s head dipped as their bodies moved in closer together, making room for the crowds of people surrounding them.

Without thinking, her hands went to his hair and tangled her fingers up in his curls, her eyes opening and shutting as the crescendo of the music grew.

_Your love pours down on me, surrounds me like a waterfall._

_And there’s no stopping us right now,_

_I feel so close to you right now._

Bellamy’s eyes closed too as his hands found the curves of her waist, grinning in ecstasy as the beat dropped, moving his body in parallel with hers.

His heavy hands on her suddenly skyrocketed her body temperature, a rosy blush forming on her cheeks that she hoped it was too dark to notice.

Her hands slid down to sling around the back of his neck as they continued to move together to the beat of the music, and he inched even closer, his groin pressed against her stomach.

Caught up in it all, Clarke barely noticed when he lifted one of his hands from where they had comfortably sat on her waist to cup her cheek. His eyes lazily caught hers as if to ask for approval and she responded by moving her face towards his.

That was enough for him.

He didn’t waste another second before meeting her in the middle and catching her lips in his, her letting out a soft moan, his grip on her waist tightening in response, almost as if he was claiming her as his own.

Her arms locked around his neck as his tongue entered her mouth, deepening the kiss.

Evidently, this seemed to turn him on.

Her eyes flicked to the bulge in his jeans, and then back up at his face again, his eyes dark with lust and her mind scrambling through the rush of thoughts consuming her. 

But only one thought stood out.

Bellamy.

His deep brown eyes, the way that he smiled at her, hell the way she smiled at him. The way his arm muscles tightened as they embraced her. Those curls. She could spend hours running her hands through his hair and never get bored.

She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been this attracted to a guy. And she barely knew him. Somehow that made it all the more enticing.

Let’s just say… If Finn was a boy, then Bellamy was a **man.**

“Let’s go somewhere.” she said, grasping his hand in her own and leading him outside, where she pinned him against the wall in a rush of adrenaline.

The desire to feel something overwhelming her.

“Brave Princess” he mumbled between peppering her neck and jawline with kisses, his stubble tickling her neck, her head arched backwards as she let him take over. Their bodies were pressed together with her hands gripping onto the back of his shirt, scrunching it up into a ball, leaving his back mildly exposed to the cold, night air.

It was pretty late at this point and whoever was still at the club, was inside, which somehow Clarke still managed to worry about in the midst of her drunkenness.

“Bathroom?” she asked, breathless, her hair a tangled mess at this point. His too.

“My truck’s right there” he offered, whipping his keys out from his pocket and unlocking it which made a satisfying ‘click’ sound.

Their eyes met and Clarke began to nod, her head spinning. This was so unlike her. Clarke Griffin doesn’t do one-night stands and certainly not in a parking lot. The only guy she had ever dated was Finn and the most inventive place they’d ever fucked was 10 metres away from her bed in the living room.

She looked at Bellamy, his face clouded with desire, licking his lips as he leant against the truck door in anticipation, his lean frame and dark complexion complimenting her petite one and light features perfectly.

She didn’t even remember making the trip over to his truck. Whether that was the intensity of the moment or the last shot she downed, she didn’t care at all. It was completely out of character for her to not care.

But Raven had instructed her to have fun and let go, so…

Maybe it was time for a change?

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a comment & kudos if you enjoyed it! any suggestions or preferences for how you want other characters to be portrayed are very welcome!
> 
> i'll post an update every tuesday so subscribe to get an alert, but given it's summer it might turn into a double-chapter post per week! x


	2. Suddenly I See

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the morning after...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of Murven content!
> 
> And there's a Clarke POV AND a Bellamy POV in this chapter, so enjoy that! Bell is hard to write but I really liked writing his exchanges with Murphy.
> 
> A bit of a smutty flashback for you too to stave your appetite lol. 
> 
> Also the chapter title is the song "Suddenly I See" by KT Turnstall. Enjoy!

** Chapter 2 **

Clarke woke up abruptly, matted strands of tangled blonde hair strewn across her face. As if they were curtains, she peered through them to survey her surroundings.

_Thank God._

She was in her own room and the other side of the bed which Finn used to accommodate was empty and untouched, so she breathed a sigh of relief, and slowly forced her body to vacate it, groaning as the muscles in her legs seized from all that dancing, she presumed.

Making her way to the kitchen, her head begin to pound, and she wrapped her dressing gown tighter around her waist in attempt to make the pain go away.

It didn’t. Coffee seemed to help though.

That was until the question of who had made the steaming pot of coffee popped into her head, and made it hurt more. Had she brought someone home?

Throwing herself down onto the couch, she curled up and sipped the beverage until she heard Raven trudge out of her adjacent room, hands over her eyes that were bleary with sleep to block out the encroaching sun.

She managed to croak out a quick morning greeting before sliding onto a kitchen stool, dropping her head into her hands as if it weighed a ton of bricks. Clarke twisted her body around on the sofa to address Raven.

“Did anyone stay here last night?”

“Apart from you, me… Uh no” she replied, scratching her head.

Murphy with perfect timing as per usual, sang out “Forgetting someone, Reyes?”, as he skipped down the corridor with a gait in his step.

Raising her eyebrows at Raven, who hid behind her coffee mug in embarrassment, Clarke scoffed.

“No?” she exclaimed, “How could I forget?” she smiled, leaning back on the stool to accept a forehead kiss from Murphy, who leant down to whisper something in her ear that made her blush ferociously.

Raven… blushing?

“Am I still drunk?” Clarke asked, banging her hand against her head as if to wake herself up, which broke them from their trance.

“Hungover, yes. Drunk, no. Although… Last night? Clarke, what were you thinking?”

“Was I that bad?” she winced, receiving a slow nod in response.

“Bad enough to fall for the charm of Bellamy Blake, that’s for sure.” Murphy scoffed shaking his head teasingly, “I had really pegged you as more of a long-term relationship, ‘it’s time for tea, honey’, with 2.5 genetically-perfect children, girl Clarke.”

Clarke eyes widened at the mention of _his_ name, memories flooding back too quickly into her brain.

“Wait… Bellamy??” Raven screamed, forgetting her hangover and rushing over to sit next to her. “Please tell me you didn’t sleep with him.”

She scrambled for words to answer her best friend, but found none, burying her face with the blanket.

“I don’t really remember.”

“You don’t forget that in a hurry,” Raven declared, mouthing a _trust me._

“Hey!” Murphy shouted, “Boyfriend present. I get you had a thing, once. But I wouldn’t mind being spared the details.”

“Boyfriend, huh?” she asked, her eyebrows raised.

Murphy leant his elbows on the counter, his hands propping up his chin, grinning, “It’s not that much of a stretch. You called me lots of other things last night.” Raven blushed again. She had never seen her in the 5 years she’d known her, so completely relaxed and care-free around a guy.

It was at this point that Clarke was immediately grateful she had drunk so much that she had passed out like a light last night.

“Hello guys?”

Their heads snapped to meet her voice, instantaneously breaking the trance between them.

“Right, crisis.” Raven scratched her head in thought, “Well we left at 2am and you looked fine then, a bit dishevelled. Well as fine as you could do after downing 10 tequila shots… in a row.”

Jesus, she thought to herself.

“I feel like my input into this whole mystery would be oh-so-helpful” Murphy added, a glee smile plastered onto his face.

“Spit it out, Murphy” she demanded, biting her lip in anticipation.

“All I do is make drinks and people-watch, and I distinctively remember you being all over Bellamy during one particular song, then quickly exiting towards the parking lot afterwards”, he announced, smirking.

He began to hum the tune of the song, eyes sparkling.

She bolted upright, taking the entire blanket with her. Raven scowled as her legs were exposed to the cold air of the apartment, but Murphy seemed appreciative at the sight.

“Shit!” Clarke exclaimed, holding a hand to her mouth.

The feeling wasn’t unlike waking up after a terrible nightmare only to realise that it did indeed, really happen.

Between stuttered breaths, she managed a “I slept with him in his truck…”

Raven let out a loud howl, clutching at her stomach and Murphy doubled over too, unable to contain his laughter.

“You fucked Blake in his truck?” Raven stared at Clarke in disbelief, after she had calmed down and the atmosphere in the living room had settled back down.

Nodding, she let her mind wander back to the night before. It was all coming back now, the feel of his large hands on her bum, her legs gripped tightly around his waist, her core pressed up against his, as he trailed kisses from her mouth, to her jawline, her neck; his curls tickling her skin…

The way she had moaned his name.

_Bellamy._

He’d really liked that.

And the way he responded by thrusting himself deep into her, mumbling _Princess_ between pressing gentle kisses on her neck, sucking slightly as if to mark his territory.

Absentmindedly, her hand flew up to her neck and felt the swell of a bruise beneath her fingers where he had left numerous marks on her skin a few hours before.

“Hello? Earth to Clarke?” Raven waved a hand in front over her face, that had turned a dark shade of pink. She tried to pry her hand off of her neck, eyes widening.

“Bellamy got you good.” Murphy smirked, somehow having made his way next to Raven so that they were both looming over her on the sofa as if she was the most captivating thing in the world.

Before she could come up with a snarky response to cover up for the fact she had _never_ (and I mean never) done anything like this before, her phone began to vibrate on the coffee table.

She breathed a sigh of relief and reached out, holding it to her ear.

“Yes?” she huffed.

“That’s no way to greet your mother.”

Her eyes blew wide, and she regained composure, trying to sound like she hadn’t partied all night and hooked up, hard, with a random guy just a few hours previously.

“Hi Mom, what’s up?”

“Better. Just calling to remind you, as I’m 90% sure you will have forgotten, that you’re coming over here for dinner tonight.”

“I am?” Clarke raked a hand through her hair, glancing to the calendar hanging askew up on the kitchen cupboard.

Today’s date, September 14th, was circled several times in red.

She gritted her teeth, “Of course I am! Anything I need to bring? Does Marcus like cheesecake?”

Nudging her, Raven whispered, “You’re rambling, Clarke.”

A long pause of deafening silence filled the void on the call, as Abby debated whether to question her daughter’s weird behaviour. She decided against it.

“No need to bring anything, dear. I’ve got everything sorted for all five of us!”

“Five?” she spluttered, leaning forward to rest her head in the palm of her hand.

“His kids too? I’m sure I told you.”

Clarke was sure she’d remember this particular detail, but she let it go.

“Of course!” she exclaimed, sneaking a look at Murphy and Raven who at this point were struggling to contain fits of laughter from imploding from their mouths upon watching her try to navigate her way through this decimation of a conversation. She lightly slapped her leg, mouthing for them to stop.

She continued, “What were their names again? You know me with details…”

Okay well maybe she had been told and forgotten.

As Abby began to answer her, the doorbell rang.

Murphy grumbled, “Who the hell rings a doorbell this early in the morning?”

“It’s 10am”, Raven retorted, giving his head a small shove as she walked over to the door, unlatching the lock.

She opened it slowly, and the background noise of her mother talking faded out as Finn stood in the frame, his eyes dark as if he hadn’t slept since she’s last seen him, and a shadow of stubble prominent on his face even from where Clarke was sat.

“Finn?” she mumbled, her eyes making instant contact with his.

Raven’s reflexes kicked in and she swung the door shut quicker than she had opened it.

“Finn’s here? Say hi to him for me honey.” Clarke’s eyes rolled into what felt like the back of her head as she realised with all of what had happened over the past 24 hours, she hadn’t told her mother that they had broken up.

So instead, she just replied “Mhmmm” and made an excuse to hang up, promising to be there before 7pm.

Finn began knocking on the door and didn’t stop.

Raven turned away from the door, ponytail swinging. “Well eventually that’s gonna hurt his knuckles, so I say we leave the boy hanging and climb out of the window. You with me?”

Clarke relaxed, “Always”, she rolled her eyes. “Just let me grab my scrubs and my keys, and we’ll make a run for it.”

Murphy winked, “Right behind you Reyes.” He stopped suddenly, a confused look growing on his face, “Do you guys do this a lot?”

They looked at each other and exchanged knowing glances. They might be completely different where their personalities and career aspirations are considered, but they both had things that they were running from.

Clarke piped up, slipping her trainers on, “As long as you never hurt her, John,” she teased, “You’ll always be on this side of the door.”

He gritted his teeth. “Good to know.”

“Isn’t it?” Raven teased, intertwining her hand with his as they climbed out of the bay window and locked it behind them, scaling their way down the fire escape.

As they all grounded themselves on the street below, they said their goodbyes.

“We shall talk later” Raven promised, leaning in to whisper in her ear as she gave her a hug, “I want to know _everything_ ,” she said, putting extra emphasis on the last word.

Clarke nodded then watched as they walked away, hands interlocked, Murphy seemingly hanging on to every word Raven said, a smile etched on his face as he looked down at hers.

Sighing, she turned around to walk to her car, and for not the first time in the life, wished she wasn’t so alone.

~*~

Bellamy woke up to a pillow being thrown at his head.

“Ouch?”, he held a hand to his head as if she had tossed a brick at him.

Octavia rolled her eyes, perching at the edge of his bed. “You’ll get over it and live, baby brother.”

“We both know you’re 6 years younger than me, so stop calling me that.”

“Here’s a great idea. I’ll stop calling you that when you don’t spend all day sleeping, like a big baby.”

“Babies do not sleep all day. I would know that as your _much older_ brother, I had to listen to you cry,” he said, wiping his eyes with one hand, “All. The. Time.”

He certainly needed the sleep. He’d worked all day and night the day before at Grounders, and how he had spent the end of it had completely wrecked him, put it that way. She scoffed and stomped out of the room. He’d give it to her. She still acted like a moody teenager with him, despite her being 22 now. Dynamics never change.

Grunting at all the light now streaming through his open window, he let his head fall back onto his pillow, one arm coming to rest behind it.

He let himself think about _her._

It was stupid really. She was nothing more than a one-night stand and they never usually affected him in the way that she had. If he closed his eyes, he could still feel the silky soft texture of her blonde tresses tangled up in his calloused fingers as her warm breath fanned his face.

Shaking himself out of it, Bellamy slid out of bed and ambled his way towards the kitchen, desperate for some coffee to fully wake him up.

He saw a pair of sneakers poking out from the couch as he made his way there, shoving them off.

Clearly, he didn’t know his own strength hearing a loud thud and glancing down to see Murphy splayed across the carpet, rubbing his head.

“Thanks, friend.”

“Shut up, Murphy.”

“I think what you meant to say is… Murphy, can I please have that number of that pretty girl I met last night”, he sang, pursing his lips.

Bellamy was intrigued, but keen to hide his interest replied without a hint of emotion, “Why would I? You know my rule, never sleep with the same girl more than once.”

He rolled his eyes at this, propping himself up on his elbows.

“I saw the way you looked at her, man.”

Bellamy held his breath, curling his toes as if he needed to be anchored to the ground to keep his feelings at bay.

“I haven’t seen that look on your face since G-“

Bellamy cut in, “Don’t you say her name.”

Murphy held up his hands in surrender and moved his hand across his mouth as if he was zipping it shut, promising to say no more. He offered him a hand, dragging him up from the floor.

“How do you have it anyway?”

“I copied it off of Raven’s phone”, he exclaimed, looking pleased with himself. Seeing Bellamy’s hesitation, he reached into his pocket and pressed the scrap of paper that he had scribbled it onto, into his hand, sending him a small smile.

He tucked it into his back pocket, grateful that Murphy asked nothing more. Truthfully, he didn’t know how he would answer.

“So Raven Rayes, huh?”

“I just dropped her off at work. She’s really great. I like her. Like a lot.” He motioned with his hands, before they settled behind his neck to hide his embarrassment. He was never really one to admit his feelings, but maybe that’s why him and Raven suited each other so well, Bellamy thought to himself.

“I’m happy for you,” he clapped his best friend on the shoulder, and pushed past him, the smell of coffee beans tempting him towards the kitchen, “But the coffee pot is calling…”

Octavia looked up as he entered the kitchen, her eyebrows raised in amusement, and he knew immediately she had been listening in to their conversation.

“I swear to God, O. You’re my sister, but I won’t hesitate to kill you if you start on me about this.”

She sauntered past him knowingly, reaching up to ruffle his curls as she grabbed a biscuit from the packet.

“I’m not a dog. Stop petting me.”

She whimpered, “But your hair is so soft and curly.” She pointed out, which earned an eye-roll from him, “I’m serious, Bell. Every day I wake up and ask God why he cursed me with long, straight black hair and gave you the good hair. You don’t even do anything with it! It’s wasted on you!” she said, exasperated.

His mind slipped back to the night before for a moment, remembering what it felt like to have her hands running through it, tugging on it as he pumped into her.

“Earth to Bell?”

“Sorry, what?” he asked, eyes blank, noticing Murphy had joined them in the kitchen, depositing himself onto a chair opposite from him.

“Remember we have that dinner thing with Dad tonight? Meeting his new girlfriend, and her daughter, I think.”

Great, he sighed to himself.

Kane wasn’t a bad guy, in fact he looked up to him a lot since he was the only father-figure he’d ever had. He was Octavia’s biological father, but after their mother had passed away when Bellamy was 15 and Octavia was 9, he had taken them both in with no hesitation and basically had become the only stable person in their lives for the past 13 years, being unaware of their existence prior.

But he was insanely well-off, and Bellamy was not exactly excited to learn that this new woman and her family were too. Kane was a decent man and Bellamy had never felt inferior or less capable than him, despite growing up in an entirely different and less privileged part of the city, but he was convinced her family would treat them differently.

He couldn’t say he was excited about meeting them.

“Hey, if it doesn’t work out with the girl that you’re oh-so-wrecked Bell, you could always go for her daughter.”

“Hey! I’m not ‘wrecked’ over anybody, and no thanks. Be the guilty shag for a rich girl trying to rebel against her parents before she meets the perfect guy and ends up on the ‘Real Housewives’ of wherever? No thanks.”

Octavia let out a laugh, holding onto his shoulder to steady herself.

“Do you think it’s possible to contain your inferiority complex for just one night? I know it’ll mean a lot to him if you try.”

Bellamy sighed, seeing the desperation hidden behind his sister’s words. All she had ever wanted was to be part of a big family, and the fact that she might be able to have at least some subverted version of that was good enough for him if it made her happy.

He grunted as if to give in, and she responded by wrapping her arms around him.

“Wear something smart, okay?” she whispered, before reaching up to plant a kiss on his cheek and skipping away to the hallway, “Dad’s picking us up at 6:45! Be ready! Love you!” she called out before slamming the door behind her.

He glanced at the clock above the fridge, it was 3pm, he had plenty of time to kill. As if sensing he was about to ask Murphy to go get a drink with him, he backed away.

“You, my friend, I know for a fact have got a ton of coursework to do for your degree. Stop procrastinating.”

Bellamy almost did a double take. Murphy… being pro-active, and encouraging others to do the same? Raven truly seemed to be a good influence on him.

“Fine. You better get going then, customers to serve, girls to flirt with.”

He placed a hand on his chest in mock disbelief, “Me? Flirting? ON THE JOB?”

“No but seriously,” Murphy added, his voice becoming firmer, “I really like her, and I don’t want to screw it up. Just once, you know, I’d like to have something go right for me.”

He nodded and patted him on the shoulder, he deserved to be happy.

As he turned away, grabbing his coat, Bellamy’s smile faded. His best friend and his sister were both happy, and he was ecstatic for them.

But then why did he feel so fucking alone?

~*~

Bellamy leant his head against the window as they made their way to the Griffin household later that day, fatigue consuming him.

Damn O for waking him up.

“You okay, Son?” Kane enquired, his eyes worriedly darting over to look at him.

“He’s fine. Aren’t you Bell?” Octavia insisted, from the back of the car.

He sat up straight and nodded, plastering a smile on his face, all but ready for the hours of polite dinner conversation stretching before him that he yet had to look forward to.

Within minutes they were there, and Kane pulled up next to the drive, clearly incredibly nervous.

Bellamy cursed under his breath.

Whoever these people were, it appeared that they were utterly loaded upon first sight of the mansion that stood before them as the siblings clambered out of the car.

“Wow” Octavia breathed next to him, and he echoed her words, both mindlessly staring up at the columns and trees that surrounded the large building they had parked in front of. He straightened out his tie and pulled down his blazer as O pulled down her dress and tucked loose strands of hair behind her ears in anxious trepidation to meet the owners.

They silently walked up the drive, following Kane’s lead as he knocked twice on the structure which was the huge stone door that served as the entrance to the property. It opened quickly, revealing a petite woman with long brown hair and a kind smile who flung herself at Marcus, who in turn seemingly couldn’t contain his affection either.

“Jesus Dad. Daughter present” Octavia whinged, earning a laugh from them both as they created a gap between them to appease her.

The woman smiled again tentatively with a familiarity that caught him Bellamy off-guard, “You must be Octavia and Bellamy. It’s so nice to finally meet you! You’re all Marcus talks about”, she admits, clearly rambling to fill the awkward silence of first introductions.

Octavia offered a branch by stretching out her hand, and instead was pulled in for a tight hug, to which her anxieties seemed settled by.

“I’m Abby Griffin, and this is my daughter-,” she exclaimed, turning around to see nobody behind her.

“Clarke?” she called out, “Honey, they’re here.”

Bellamy froze in his spot, his muscles tensing up involuntarily. He closed his eyes, whispering a silent prayer in his mind. Please don’t be who I think it is. Please God, don’t punish me now just because I got the good hair. Give it to O, I don’t need it, he thought to himself, digging his nails into his palm.

Apparently, the big man wasn’t listening because moments later, a blonde head popped round the frame of the door, uttering apologies. She reached out a perfectly manicured hand to shake Marcus’, smiled warmly at Octavia, then her body turned to Bellamy’s, her blue eyes connecting with his brown ones as they had the night before, just in very different circumstances.

Panic flooded through his brain as he scrambled to look less taken-aback than was natural in a situation like this.

She, on the other hand, was not so adept at covering her emotions up.

“Holy shit.”

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! Plus I'm 2 days early with an update so go me. Leave a kudos and comment any suggestions/feedback if you want! Next update will be before next Tuesday, as per usual. 
> 
> Subscribe if you want an email alert for when I post!


	3. Setting Fire to Our Insides For Fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy and Clarke put their guards up, a bit more about why they act like they do is explained, and Murphy tries to be Bell's resident therapist... and ultimately fails.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy! it's a longer chapter because i extended the murphamy content as i can never get enough. see you on the flipside :)
> 
> Songs for this chapter (have 2 lol):  
> 1) Youth - Daughter  
> 2) Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood

** Chapter 3 **

Clarke stood still, like an actual deer caught in headlights. Did I really just say that aloud, she thought to herself.

The confused look on her mother’s face seemed to indicate that she indeed had, shouted “Holy shit” at the sight of Bellamy Blake’s face.

Personally, she didn’t know what she found more embarrassing. The fact that she had managed to sleep with the son of her mother’s boyfriend out of all people, or that she recognised his body before her eyes trailed up to his face.

She had little time to debate the weird way in which her mind seemed to work, before she heard Abby ask “Clarke, are you okay?”

Her gaze snapped upwards to look upon several visibly concerned faces, and she quickly assumed a poker face.

All those hours of pre-med training how to approach emotional situations clinically really paid off, she thought to herself.

“Completely!” she lied, “I-, I just forgot about the potatoes!”

Okay she hadn’t paid all that much attention to the training.

She looked at her as if she required more than that as an explanation for her sudden outburst at their guests, “Potatoes?”

Clarke nervously fiddled with the hem of her cardigan. “Yep, Potatoes! I put them in the oven 20 minutes ago, and totally forgot about them. They’re probably burnt to a crisp by now!” she tried to laugh it off, but it ended up getting caught in her throat and coming out as a lame cough, desperate to somehow quell the awkward silence that she had created.

Dorkily pointing her thumbs behind her, trying to distract from the situation at hand, Clarke’s breath hitched in her throat as her eyes caught Bellamy’s again. She backed away before quickly turning on her heels, putting as much as distance as possible between them to alleviate the heat building between her legs.

Bellamy was left standing there, his mouth drawn into a tight line and hands clenched into fists buried in his trouser pockets.

~*~

“So, Clarke, your mother tells me you’ve recently started your residency at Arkadia Memorial,” Marcus said, his fork poised in the air seeming genuinely interested, which is more than she could say about past boyfriends her mother had had, “How are you liking it so far?”

She smiled sweetly as thoughts that couldn’t be more opposite to the present topic of dinner conversation riddled her mind, invading every crevasse of her brain. Curling a lock of hair around her finger as a distraction, she managed to formulate a sophisticated response.

“It’s everything I’d hoped it would be. I miss NYC a lot, but it’s great to be back home around friends…” She paused before glancing at her mother whose eyes held her gaze expectantly, “-and of course, family”, she added, flashing him a close-lipped smile.

Abby seemed contented at the answer Clarke had given, ignoring how she immediately reached for her wine glass to take the edge off of the fact when she was around her mother, she basically had to act like the perfect, untouched version of herself.

“How’s Finn? I’m sure you guys had plenty to catch up on after your trip.”

Abby’s abrupt question almost made her spit out her drink, but she kept it together, knowing she only had a few more hours of this before she could leave and never have to see any of her guests again, which Clarke was intensely grateful for at this moment in time. Her mother never kept boyfriend’s around long, and Clarke had long accepted this was a trait she’d unwittingly passed onto her too.

Plastering on another fake smile, her face began to hurt for the first time that evening, “He’s doing great. He came over this morning and took me out for breakfast,” she lied, gritting her teeth.

The sound of metal utensils clanging against the china of a plate lifted Clarke’s gaze in an instant, her eyes meeting Bellamy’s, sending sparks of electricity down her whole body as his gaze seemed to take her all in.

On first glance, his eyes seemed to mist with red, but they settled to give off a completely different impression within seconds. Disappointment.

He was disappointed in _her_.

She desperately wanted to tell him the non-dinner regulated version of what had happened with Finn this morning, but no words tumbled out.

She couldn’t.

Octavia nudged his knee under the table with hers, harshly whispering his name as a warning.

Tearing his eyes from hers, he cleared his throat, “Apologies, shaky hands”, he excused himself, a ghost of a grin immersing its face across his freckled face.

Abby seemed intent on bringing Clarke’s profession into every discussion and it seemed even this comment wasn’t too little to work with, “You’re clearly not in the medical profession then, Bellamy,” she joked, laughing just a bit too much for her jaunt to be realistic, “We Griffin’s have oh-so steady hands, don’t we honey? And Finn, of course, although only time will tell until you’re a Collins instead!”

Clarke wished the ground would swallow her up whole, managing a “Mhm” to satisfy her mother.

“Sorry did I miss something, who’s Finn?” Octavia enquired, her eyes wide.

“Her boyfriend.” Bellamy announced, his now seemingly cool eyes making a direct beeline to hers.

Marcus seemed confused as to how Bellamy seemed so confident as to draw the dots that had been marked out so well throughout dinner conversation, but quickly shrugged it off, keen to change topic.

“Abby, Bellamy’s actually training to become a Detective. Got important exams coming up, even.”

“Wow, a man of the Law! You must have the girls lining up.” Abby remarked, a smile ever-present on her face.

Clarke noticed Bellamy’s face cloud for a second, and it seemed she wasn’t the only one, Marcus interrupting Abby to mention that he wasn’t in a relationship.

“Actually Kane, I’ve recently met someone.”

Clarke’s heart pounded in her chest, beating at what felt like a million miles an hour. She knew deep down he didn’t mean her. Raven had told her several times about the player that was Mr Bellamy Blake, bringing a new girl home every night, according to Murphy anyways.

Even if was referring to her, which he definitely was not. Nothing could ever happen between them again, and she knew it.

Marcus furrowed his eyebrows, the lines on his forehead protruding as he crossed his arms over his chest. But upon the insistence of a small smile given that he was being serious, Marcus’s face lit up in delight.

“That’s great, kid. You should invite her over for dinner sometime. I’d love to meet her.”

Octavia coughed, her eyebrows raised at Bellamy, as if to ask when she was going to hear about this new girl in his life. He winced and turned back to Kane, “Actually, you might know of her. Her family’s pretty big stuff in Arkadia,” he smirked, his eyes sneaking a fleeting glance at Clarke.

He raked a hand through his hair. She wished he’d stop touching it because it forced her to look at it, and then she felt an overwhelming desire to comb her fingers through his curls too.

Panic rose up in her, and she sat still, unsure of how to throw the conversation off the inevitable words that would leave Bellamy’s mouth.

“Now I’m interested,” Abby exclaimed, leaning in, “Who is she?”

“Echo Ash. Her Dad owns Ash Maple Syrup,” he stated without pause, leaning back in his chair arrogantly. Not due to the dramatic name-dropping, but instead how he had easily made Clarke’s face turn a deep shade of red and her palms clammy with cold sweat.

She tried to remain composed, but ultimately failed. He had a girlfriend, and he’d slept with her? She wasn’t sure which of the two was worse, that she’d helped him cheat or that she had lulled herself into thinking he was talking about her.

_Stupid._

Conversation continued to flow as Octavia chatted to Abby about her passion for teaching young kids as she explained the ins and outs of her Education degree, but mostly it faded into background now for Clarke who waited till it wasn’t suspicious for her to make a quick exit to the bathroom.

Scraping her chair across the wooden floorboards, she stumbled and held onto the back of it for support.

“You okay, Clarke?”

She shot a re-assuring smile at her mother, not wanting to ruin the dinner in any way and have to face weeks of her moaning about how disappointed she was in her daughter. “Yeah I’m fine. I just don’t feel too well, it’s a been a long day at work,” she said after a while apologetically.

“To be a doctor, hey?” Marcus joked, which was rewarded in a flurry of laughs from Abby and Octavia.

She could feel the burning sensation of Bellamy’s stare on her back as she walked away, not bothering to wonder what it meant. He clearly just felt sorry for her for thinking their exchanges last night meant anything more than it was, and he could screw himself if he thought she could be undermined and embarrassed by another man like Finn had.

Locking the bathroom door behind her, she held onto the sink with both of her hands, lifting her head up to look upon her sorry reflection in the panel mirror.

“Breathe, Clarke.”

This is what happens when I let my guard down for the first time in years, she thought to herself. You’d think a drunken one-night stand with a random guy wouldn’t have this many unforeseen consequences, but God seems to have a weird sense of humour, especially when it came to her life.

Her inner turmoil extinguished the second her ears pricked up at the sound of a solid knock on the wooden door frame.

She stayed quiet, hoping it was just the housekeeper and they’d eventually just leave her in peace.

Instead, a deep voice whispered, “You okay, princess?”

Her hand almost slipped from its position holding her steady against the sink in shock when she heard him speak from the other side of the door. Turning around to face the door, she pressed a hand against it, with no intention to open it.

“You have to go back Bellamy. They’ll wonder why you followed me.”

Ignoring her, he repeated his question, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she mumbles between harsh intakes of breath, adding, “Really”, for extra emphasis on how incredibly great she was feeling.

“You don’t sound fine” he stated, matter-of-factly.

“Did you get your PHD between dinner and dessert, Bellamy?” she snapped.

“No” he retorted, “You don’t need to be a hot-shot doctor like you to know when someone is not fine.” Under his breath, thinking he couldn’t hear her, he added “Clearly, in your mother’s case.”

Clarke suppressed a laugh, eager not to let him know he could bring down her guard so easily.

He sighed, “Please… just let me in”, his weight balanced against the door.

She didn’t know what made her but in a fleeting moment of utter weakness, she decided to.

Unlatching the lock, the door crept open to reveal a gap which Bellamy peered through to see Clarke sat against the wall, head in her hands.

Trying to continue breathing at a normal rate, he crouched down on the floor in front of her, taking her limp hands in his.

Her stomach fluttered at his mere touch.

“I lied. I haven’t told my mom that Finn and I have broken up yet, she’ll be distraught-“

He cuts her off, “Let me guess, she wants you married off to an equally successful partner, so you can have that cookie cutter life with cookie cutter children?”

She nods hesitantly.

“Like with Finn?”

She nods again.

He sighs, releasing her hands from her grasp to lean back against the wall next to her, and she finds herself yearning for his touch once again.

“While we’re being honest,” he stalls, rolling his head round to look at her, “I lied too. Echo isn’t my girlfriend. Casual fling, yes. Girlfriend prepped and ready to meet the step-parent, no.”

Clarke lets out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding.

“Relieved to hear I’m single, Princess?”, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

She rolled her eyes, sitting upright.

“Relieved to hear I haven’t embroiled myself in a cheating scandal, very much so.”

He holds his hand to his heart mocking her as if the words physically pained him, laughter lines etched on his forehead.

She stared back, unable to bring her eyes away from him, breath hitching in her throat. Once he realized she hadn’t broken her gaze, he inched forward, slowly closing the gap between their bodies.

He brought a hand up to rest on her outer thigh, sending warm, tingly sensations down her leg and her eyes darted to it, unable to keep eye contact with him long enough to withstand meeting his lips in the middle.

Almost as if he knew what she was thinking, he touched her cheek with his other hand, tilting her head to face his.

She bit her lip as their noses bumped, basking in the feeling of his warm breath on her skin, the anticipation of the kiss killing her slowly.

Just as he leant in further, his lips gently grazing hers, encouraging hers to part, there was a knock at the door.

“Clarke? Are you in there? Our guests are leaving.” Abby whispered frantically.

She jumped back as Bellamy’s hands jerked away from her exposed skin, lifting her hand up instantly to cover his mouth.

Flustered, she replied, “Sorry! I’ll be out right now, give me a second!”

He tugged her hand that was covering his mouth away from him like an impatient child, mouthing _kinky_.

As Clarke heard the sound of her Mother’s heels trotting back down the hall, she stood up, emotionless, straightening out her dress that had risen up, and tucking her hair behind her ears.

She cast a quick glance down at Bellamy on the floor who was staring straight ahead, seemingly less chirpy than a few seconds previous.

“I’ll go now, and you can go out the back door in say one minute?” she suggests, reaching for the door handle.

He looks up then, confusion clouding his facial features.

“So, what now?”

“What do you mean, what now?”

His gaze lifted, staring at her as if he could see directly into her soul. Weirdly, it felt like this man knew everything about her.

Even things she had yet to know.

Shaking the thought off, she braced herself, “I had a great night, but that isn’t me. I don’t do this…”

There was a silent pause, in which nobody spoke, so Clarke ached to fill it further.

“… I’m sure there are plenty of other girls at your automatic disposal, Bellamy. Maybe try Echo again.”

There was an initial flash of hurt that crossed his eyes, before it was replaced with anger. She instantly regretted her choice of words.

“Wow” he breathed, letting out a sarcastic laugh.

Clarke tensed up, her breathing slow and unsteady, “What?”

“Oh, nothing. Absolutely nothing. Because that is what’s going on here right?” he spat.

His words felt like hot oil scorching her skin.

“Agreed” she mumbled, after a short while, her brain telling her to run as far as possible from him as she could, in the automatic Griffin ‘don’t-get-hurt mode’.

He stood up and pushed past her, making his way out of the bathroom.

“Hey, I thought we were going to leave separately?” she whispered down the hall, careful not to make too much noise and alert her mom.

“Oh, don’t worry Princess,” he scoffed, the nickname taking on a more sinister tone now than before, “I’ll go out the back before your mother sees me with you.”

He shook his head, tousled curls falling naturally to frame his face.

She watched as he stormed down the hall, but not before turning and calling back, “We wouldn’t want anyone seeing the spoilt Princess slumming it with someone lower than her, would we now?”

Her mouth opened as if to tell him that wasn’t it, but no words came out. So, she stood frozen still watching him walk away from her, and out of her life.

~*~

Bellamy burst through the back door to the garden, making his way around to the front of the house with anger coursing through his veins.

He had to calm down.

Pacing between the gate and an old shed that he immediately noticed stuck out like a sore thumb on this property, his fists began to shake violently in a way which could only be appeased by punching something.

So, in a fit of blind anger he punched a hole through the shed.

“Shit”, he mumbled, cradling his bruised knuckles in his left hand, staggering back towards the car.

As he reached it, Kane and Octavia were on the front steps, saying their goodbyes to Abby, who, ever the perfect host, noticed him from metres away, shooting him a quick wave.

Too perfect. This family had some of the biggest pretenders he’d ever met.

Scowling, he slid into the passenger seat as Kane opened the car door for himself.

“Echo alright?”

Bellamy replied, “Yeah, she was just wondering if I was home,” which seemed to satisfy Kane’s suspicion, but not Octavia’s.

“You didn’t tell your girlfriend you were going out?”

“No, O, I did not.”

Keen to press all his buttons, she leaned over into the middle section of the front, “What about that girl from last night?”

Bellamy’s breath caught in his throat, but he stumbled out a less-than-convincing “Same girl”, shooting an effective warning glance at O wo began to forcibly retreat.

He knew the type of questions she was desperate to ask. How does Murphy know Echo? If she’s your girlfriend, why didn’t you have her number? What are you hiding? And why didn’t you tell me?

But he was intensely glad she didn’t because he didn’t have a clue currently how to answer any of them.

Clarke was an enigma he wasn’t sure he wanted to figure out.

As Kane drove and Octavia sat silenced in the back, he stared out of the window, rain drizzling down the glass.

She was visibly embarrassed by him. Or rather, by the fact that she had lowered herself enough to sleep with someone like him.

He could see it in her eyes.

Not wanting to lose time thinking about someone who clearly didn’t think about him, Bellamy shut those thoughts away. He had become incredibly good over time at blocking the bad things out; isolating them to a place where he no longer had to worry or feel anything.

He’d side-lined thoughts to this dark void in the past, such as about his dead mother.

His dead girlfriend, even.

And now Clarke, the first girl, who unbeknownst to her, was able to help him forget it all.

Bellamy had never been good at exposing his raw emotions, and he suspected it stemmed from always having to be stoic, putting on a brave face in front of Octavia, when at 15, he had to tell her their mother had died. 

Of course, this was his own self-diagnosis, given he would rather soberly run naked through the streets than go and _talk_ to anyone professional.

The only person that he had ever come close to opening up to was Kane, which set a spark of fear in Bellamy, realising that his only family and security could be about to collide with a family in which Clarke was a part of.

 _She_ who made him feel so out of control of his emotions, when he hadn’t let go and allowed a person do that to him in years.

He wanted to hate her. But he couldn’t because she intrigued him.

Maybe that was what he truly hated.

That she could make him feel something again.

He didn’t deserve to feel anything more than the physical release given to him by an array of hook-ups every month because he wasn’t a good person.

He didn’t deserve to be loved by anyone or to be capable of loving them back.

A single tear drifted down his cheek and the shock of it brought him instantly back to the thralls of reality, lifting his hand gingerly to touch the stain it left on his cheek, angry for letting his emotions take over.

Sitting up on the couch and bracing his hands on his knees, he struggled to remember how he had gone from being in Kane’s car to back in his apartment.

His thoughts were such a dark and isolating place, he sometimes could only focus on one or another, because dealing with both simultaneously seemed too much to handle.

As always, Murphy was the one to pull him out of his rut, tossing himself awkwardly on the adjacent couch “You okay there Blake?”, he jested, an unsteady smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Tugging his phone out of his blazer pocket, his finger hovered over a certain contact.

“I’m great, thanks.” Bellamy replied sarcastically, gritting his teeth.

“I take it the dinner didn’t go to plan”, he said, and taking notice of the bandage around his hand he added, “Wow, I really hit the nail on the head, didn’t I?”

He scoffed and stayed silent, a grimace creeping across his face.

“What?” he joked, his blue eyes lit up, “The daughter not interested in what you were offering?”

“No longer” Bellamy corrected, combing a hand through his slick curls. 

Murphy sat up slowly, his eyes widening with curiosity.

He craved a good gossip.

“You’ve slept with this girl before? I swear, you must have fucked every girl in this town by this point.”

Realising his joke also refers to the drunken night his best friend spent with Raven years prior as they recovered from painful break-ups, Murphy’s face contorted as he cursed at his own idiocy.

Bellamy lets out a light-hearted laugh at his mistake, eager to tease him to escape his own issues, “Love is making your brain fuzzy, Murph.”

“Love?” he scoffs, covering up any opportunity to have an honest conversation with humour as per usual.

“Nah, I think you got the wrong man” he added, shaking his head.

They were going to be really good for each other, Bellamy thought. That is if one of them doesn’t freak and run away when it gets anything more than playful flirting.

But who needs that anyway?

“So, do I know this elusive girl you now have to share your presents with on Christmas?” Murphy joked.

“Well you’re fucking her best friend, so I’d say so, yes.”

Better to get the truth straight out, he thought. He was bound to hear it from Raven soon enough. That is if Clarke wasn’t embarrassed enough to the extent where she wouldn’t divulge the awkward conundrum had gotten themselves into, which he realised she might actually be.

Murphy’s jaw dropped and he struggled to form a coherent sentence for the minute following Bellamy’s disclosure of events.

Eventually he started laughing to himself, and with the wrinkles around his eyes creased up, he said “Jesus Blake, you really know how to pick ‘em don’t you?”

He said nothing in response and so Murphy re-emphasised his point, “You are up shit’s creek, my friend.”

“How so?” Bellamy asked, acting aloof.

“She’s basically your new sister…” Murphy grinned, clearly enjoying this type of fickle drama far too much for someone who left high school 9 years before. “Well at least that’s what O will see her as.”

Bellamy knew he was right. Regardless it didn’t matter because he wasn’t bothered by anything to do with the Princess.

“She’s a spoilt brat, and I don’t know what I was thinking last night. Maybe you slipped me something?” he suggested.

Murphy rolled his eyes and feigned innocence, “I would do nothing of the sort. But seriously Bell, she’s an okay person, as far as I can tell.”

“I’d prefer to have nothing to do with the girl. And she feels the same way. Told me so herself. Looked at me as if I was a piece of bubblegum she’d scraped off the back of her prissy pink heels” he spat.

Murphy started, “Bellamy-“

Not wanting to vent his inner monologue aloud again, he cast an eye down at the name on the screen, with no hesitation to click call.

“Echo?”

“Bellamy? I wondered when I’d hear from you again”, she stated, typically being someone who got straight to the point about what she wanted.

Bellamy didn’t have to worry about it becoming anything more than a physical thing, and the possibility of her becoming emotionally attached and, so help him God, catching feelings.

She was just as emotionally damaged as him as he’d discovered upon meeting her on New Year’s Eve the year before, both of them drowning in their guilt over people they’d lost.

He stared at Murphy’s worried face, shooting him a warning look, “I’ll be over in 10.”

As she hung up, Murphy looked at him anxiously which, admittedly, was pretty rare for him.

Before he could say a word, Bellamy stood up and grabbing his keys from the bowl.

“Man, you’ve got to stop doing this every time shit gets hard! It’s not healthy,” he called out.

Bellamy paused by the door, turning back slightly to answer him.

“Don’t talk to me about what’s healthy or not.”

Murphy winced, his body noticeably tensing up from where he sat. Bellamy knew it was a weak shot, but it had the desired effect and shut him up promptly.

“And I think you’ll find this is a free country,” he remarked, smirking, “I can do whatever the hell I want.”

Murphy gave in, grinning at his best friend. “Fair game”, was all he said, his comment bringing back nostalgia of the first time they met.

Bellamy shut the door behind him smiling. Having a best friend was great because they know exactly when the right time is to shut up, he thought to himself.

Not like Murphy ever does, of course.

Sliding his phone back into his pocket, he felt the rustle of some paper and whipped it out, confused at what it was.

Clarke’s phone number, of course.

He paused next to the bin, contemplating throwing it away. But what would be the fun in that? If he held onto it, chances were, he could royally mess with her and in turn mess things up for her.

So, she didn’t want anyone finding out about that night? Was he really one to lie down and let the Princess walk all over him? Let her have what she wants?

 _No_ , he thought to himself, shaking his head, a plan forming in his mind.

_No, he was not._

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember to leave a kudos and comment below if you liked it!  
> i am going on holiday all of next week so I'll probably double update on the weekend of the 8th/9th :)


	4. Where's My Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's been 2 years since Wells' died, me basically filling in clarke's background, and bit of octavia being the biggest bellarke shipper! oh yeah and raven is a freaking awesome friend :)
> 
> chapter title from bellyache by billie eilish, and basically a ton of her songs go with this chapter so go stream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys, new update! sorry it's been a longer wait than usual but this one is longer & i've planned out the rest of this fic now so i'm feeling very excited to share it with you guys! 
> 
> thank you for all the kind comments it means a lot
> 
> enjoy x

** Chapter 4 **

Her pager buzzed violently on the side table, awaking Clarke from her nap in an on-call room, as it always loved to do right when she’d finally found a moment to sleep.

She groaned as she slid off the bed, tossing the blanket aside, and tied her hair up in a ponytail, catching a flash of her gaunt face and the obvious dark bags under her eyes in the sink mirror. Staring back at her reflection, she reminded herself it was just a day.

It’ll be over before she knows it.

A warning knock at the door dragged her from her thoughts and through the mirror, she saw Harper stick her head in, grinning incandescently.

Swinging around to face her friend, she gave her an odd look, “It’s a Monday? What’s got you in such a good mood?”

“The fact that Dr Collins has been whisked away to Chicago State for the next few months to complete his residency” she said, winking.

Clarke’s jaw dropped and upon hearing she wouldn’t have to worry about avoiding Finn at work for the next few months, her shoulders sagged with instant relief.

Harper maintained her grin at her friend’s reaction, and mouthed “I know”, shutting the door quickly behind her, careful that others didn’t hear her to avoid being the cause of more gossip.

“But who-“ Clarke started, before realizing the only person she knew with connections at that specific hospital in Chicago, Jacabo Sinclair.

“I could just about kiss Raven right now” she exclaimed, flopping herself down onto the bed, a veil of serenity settling on her face.

“Be careful Harp or I’ll tell Monty!” Clarke teased, knowing full well how much she loved the engineer she had introduced her to a few months ago. Harper was relatively new in town but they had become fast friends, given she was one of the more down-to-earth people she spent time with in her line of work, and she had introduced her to her school friends, of which Monty she had hit it off really well with.

“Ha Ha” she said, her eyes brightening at the mention of her boyfriend’s name, sitting up to dial Raven’s number.

Clarke’s eyebrows furrowed. “Wait, you didn’t like Finn?”

Harper shook her head slowly whilst the phone rang, letting out a laugh as if to indicate her question was preposterous, “He was a dick. We all just put up with him because he made you happy Clarke.”

“That information would have been useful to my blind ass months ago, y’know?” she exclaimed, exasperated, her hands falling limp in her lap.

“Well everything happens for a reason. Plus, I’m super overjoyed that I don’t have to reschedule your ‘blind’ ass to avoid his now, so that’s also a huge bonus.”

Clarke’s mouth opened in mock protest, but before she could respond, Raven picked up on the other end of the line.

“I take it you’ve heard the good news?” her voice sang out over the speaker, Texan accent prominent, and her smile echoed in Clarke’s face.

“I don’t even know how to thank you Rafe!”

“Don’t even. It’ll be a joy to see Dad put him through hell until the New Year, cause we both know he deserves it.”

Clarke smiled and thanked her again regardless.

“What else am I for if not to provide hella useful connections, hm?”

Sinclair was Raven’s adoptive Father, an important member of the medical board down at Chicago State with clearly a powerful influence over which students he can recruit and transfer at a moment’s whim.

“You’re great for a lot of other things!” Clarke pointed out.

“I know, I know” she teased, then the tone of her voice turned more sombre and Clarke tensed, “How you holdin’ up?”

“It’s just another day.”

“Clarke-“ Harper whispered anxiously, seeing that she was clearly not coping.

“I’m fine guys, really. I’m going to visit his grave later.” She said, not quite being able to bring herself to speak his name aloud.

“Drinks at Grounders later?” Raven offered, not wanting to press further on what she knew was an incredibly touchy subject.

Clarke breathed out a sigh of relief, glad she had friends that understood her so well.

Sometimes even better than she knew herself.

She agreed, but made an irrational request that they go to the Dropship instead, to which Harper raised her eyebrows at questioningly.

“What did this guy do to make you hate him so much?”

Clarke had pretty much shut down any and all attempts from Raven about that night and how ‘good’ her and Bellamy had apparently looked together since the awkward dinner encounter, they had suffered through a few weeks before. She cited that he was an ass and that was that, to which the girls always seemed apprehensive about, given to their knowledge, she hadn’t seemed him since that night at Grounders.

If Bellamy had even told Murphy about how their families were intertwined now and what had gone down between them, which she greatly doubted given his obvious disdain for her, then he hadn’t told Raven.

“Who said I wanted to avoid the place because of _him_?” she murmured.

Realising she was unlikely to get much more out of her, especially today, Raven gave in and promised to meet them at 7pm later, desperately hoping she could take her mind off of Wells.

Clarke’s pager buzzed furiously again as Raven hung up the call, and she cursed internally, forgetting the reason she had been so rudely awoken in the first-place minutes before. Her and Harper parted ways in the corridor, and she made her way to the ER to resume what was remaining of her 12-hour rotation shift.

~*~

Quickly changing out of her dirty scrubs into a more casual outfit of a grey NYU hoodie and loose denim jeans, Clarke tugged her hair-tie out of her tangled locks with a heavy sigh.

Swiping her key card at the exit, she signed off for the day. Her legs carried her to her car and then to the grave-yard but it was almost as if she did so in some sort of mind-numbing daze where she wasn’t quite sure how she got from point A to point B.

Crouching in front of his grave, Clarke smiled weakly.

“Hi Wells” she breathed, a kind of sweet relief coming with saying his name out loud. She stared numbly down at the gravestone.

_Here Lies Wells Jaha._

_An ambitious young man loved by all who met him and who had a bright future ahead of him. He will be missed greatly by his family and friends._

_Rest in Peace_

_1996 – 2017_

His death had been incredibly difficult to process and at times, she felt as if she could pretend her childhood best friend had never existed if she didn’t acknowledge it. Not saying his name aloud unless she had to helped, but it didn’t erase the memory of that night that still haunted her dreams, to this day.

-

_2 years before_

_“Wells, you’ve gotta slow down or I swear I will never hear the end of it from Mom.”_

_“Abby Smabby!” he sang, his arm lumbered around her shoulder, keeping him steady given the amount of alcohol he had consumed. This earned him a flurry of sharp glances from clubgoers that surrounded the bar they were leant against, and Clarke burst into a fit of uncontrollable giggles._

_He seemed to sober up for a second though as if he finally heard her words._

_“Clarke, I turned 21 today. You are finally free of the bitch which you call Lexa-“_

_Clarke scoffed, and raised her glass to finally breaking up with her manipulative girlfriend earlier that week after Wells came to visit from Harvard and convinced her to re-evaluate what made her happy._

_He always knew exactly what to say._

_Wells continued, “and I-, I am in THE LOVE!”_

_Jackson approached from behind Wells, his arms snaking around his waist lovingly and resting his chin on his shoulder, to which Clarke cooed at._

_“What’s this about love, love?” he asked daringly, a smug smile hanging off of his face._

_They were adorable together and she really hoped it would stick, given it would mean that her best friend would continue coming back to their hometown more. Plus, she knew how much of a good guy Eric, although they all called him by his last name, was as he was training alongside her at Arkadia Memorial._

_“I’m gonna give you guys some space and go and see if Raven wants to dance” Clarke told them over the loud party music, squeezing Wells’ hand before she slid off of the bar stool, picking up her drink and heading towards their group of friends._

_Jackson shot her a smile as she mouthed “Look after him”, turning back away from the couple who were heading towards the door as he attempted to sober Wells up._

_Clarke was mid-way through mindless chatter with Raven about the extortionate price of a shot of tequila and Jasper kept interrupting with how his moonshine was WAY better, when they heard strangled screams coming from outside that managed to drown out the music._

_Raven got up immediately and headed towards the door, pushing through the crowds of people, which created a path for Clarke, Monty and Jasper to follow._

_The sight of her best friend laid on his back on the pavement, Jackson desperately trying to give him CPR and another man keeping pressure on his wound with a jacket, made her blood turn cold._

_Her breath faltered and she fell to her knees in front of his head, cradling it in her hands, her shoulders shaking and sobs racking through her body, the tears dripping down her face and onto his, but it had no effect on him._

_His face was unmoving and his body lifeless._

_Jackson looked up at her, a similar unreadable expression filling his face, his eyes brimming with tears. He shook his head slowly and Clarke brought a hand to her mouth in disbelief, failing to contain the screams that were clamouring to leave her lips._

_They remained in that position until the ambulance arrived, when she was tentatively pulled away by Raven to let the first response team lift his still body onto a stretcher, his hand falling limp below the sheet they covered his body with._

_That cemented it as real for Clarke. She immediately turned around to fall into Raven’s arms, both of them crouched down on the floor, holding tight onto one another as her best friend disappeared into the ambulance._

_And just like that, her life changed forever._

_-_

Clarke fiddled with the daisies that decorated his grave as she talked to him. Mostly about how Abby and Jackson were doing.

“He hasn’t dated anyone since you died you know.”

She paused in thought, readjusting her position to get comfortable, “I keep telling him that you’d want him to be happy.”

“I miss you” Clarke whispered after a while, “You’d be 23 today. Not like you can hear me or anything, but you already know that.”

She brushed a tear away from her cheek, “If you can hear me though I know what you’re thinking.”

“You’ve got to move on with your life Griffin!” she smiled at the memory of his favourite nickname for her, “And I promise you I’m trying.”

She managed a smile.

“There was this one guy and I actually let go for a second.”

Clarke could almost hear Wells’ voice telling her to stop being an idiot and to allow herself some happiness for once.

“But of course, I managed to screw even something as straightforward as a one-night stand up. He hates me now. I wish you were here to ground me because half the time I feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

She took a deep breath, “I don’t know how to be happy without you. When I let people in, when I let myself forget you’re gone, I remember that I’m the reason you were there that night.”

She stared at his name etched onto the stone, “I ruin everything that I touch. My Dad, You… Even Finn couldn’t be bothered to deal with me and cheated” she whispered, hot tears staining her cheeks. “I was better when I was with you and I-, I don’t know how to get back to that again. But I’m trying okay, I promise. I’m trying all the time.”

She pressed a kiss to the headstone but when she lifted her head back up, she saw a figure leaning over another grave several rows away, pressing a bouquet of roses to its base.

Upon seeing his downcast face, she froze and hid hers behind the gravestone. Slowly she peered up over it, and sure enough, it was him.

Bellamy Blake.

“Jesus, I really put myself in the most awkward of situations, don’t I?” she muttered, not quite sure whether she was still addressing Wells’ or herself by this point.

Slowly standing up, she drew the hood of her jumper over her head and began to fast walk out of the cemetery and hopped in her car, calmly confident he hadn’t seen her. Not long after she had slid behind the wheel, she got a text and her heart sped up.

**Unknown Number: You wanna go for a drink sometime? It would be nice to get to know you without our parents around. Really hoping this is the right number.**

Clarke looked down at her phone in disbelief and then back at the cemetery. He wasn’t at the grave anymore. Her phone vibrated again.

**Unknown Number: Btw if it wasn’t clear this is Octavia**

Well that answers that question.

**Unknown Number: Although it could have been Bell, but why would he text you?**

Clarke blushed at the fact her brain had even jumped straight to that conclusion. Why would he? Octavia didn’t know about that night before the dinner and as far as Clarke knew, nobody else knew about Kane and Abby.

**Unknown Number: Anyways I’ll stop spamming you, let me know. I’m free tonight x**

Clarke quickly texted back that she should meet her and her friends tonight at the Dropship, to get to know them all. It didn’t seem wise to get too close to the sister of the guy she was trying to forget existed, plus she was fairly sure her mom would break it off with Kane soon, as her instincts always told her to do. Yet, she seemed like a sweet girl and Clarke knew she had just moved back after college and could probably do with all the friends she could get.

So that’s how Clarke ended up sitting opposite to Octavia later that day, sipping her cocktail intermittently whilst she happily bombarded her with question after question about her life.

Octavia twirled a loose piece of her hair, which was braided into a messy French plait, her face bright and makeup-free.

“Excuse my hair” she apologised, sitting up straight, upon realising Clarke had fixated her gaze on it whilst her mind had been elsewhere.

Clarke immediately felt like she was accidentally coming across too judgemental and offered her a soft smile to which Octavia added, “Bell would go insane if he saw me now. Our mom wasn’t around much so he pretty much learnt how to braid hair to tame mine when I was younger.”

Clarke stifled a laugh, “Some big brother, hey?” She couldn’t imagine someone as dismissive and difficult as the Bellamy that she’d been re-introduced to that night at dinner doing something as delicate and nurturing as braiding his little sister’s hair.

But her first encounter with him made her question whether that older brother protective type was exactly the type of man he was. He had saved her from that creep lurching after her on the dancefloor, after all.

Octavia sat forward in her chair, replying without missing a beat, “Only the best.”

Before she could expand on their childhood, her phone vibrated and her face quickly lit up, typing out a text back.

Although as soon as it pinged to alert her that the message had gone through, her hand jumped to her hair, desperately trying to smooth it over, and Clarke’s intrigue peaked.

“Anybody special?” Clarke asked, genuinely curious. She didn’t want to sound forward, but if it was her boyfriend and he had friends that Octavia could introduce her to, she was interested.

Not that she even wanted a boyfriend or even to date at all.

As crass as it sounded, Clarke simply needed someone to take home to her Mom to get her off her back, preferably before she realises Finn was out of the picture. She wouldn’t dare disrupt the Clarke Griffin 5-year plan that had been practically drilled into her from birth.

Graduate High school at 18. Finish majoring in a Biological Science at an Ivy League School by 22. Go to Medical School, with your clinical rotation spent at Arkadia Memorial. Meet somebody. Get married. Be starting a family by the time you get your M.D.

Clarke was barely 24 and already subjected to snide comments at big family parties about her biological clock ‘starting to tick’.

She was honestly sick of it but ever since her Father died, she had strived to keep herself in her mother’s good graces, as he had asked her to do during his final few weeks.

Octavia looked up from her phone, a smirk stretching across her freckled face, “Nobody like _that_ ”, she teased, catching Clarke’s drift.

“Ah-“

Octavia interjected, suggesting “But if you know of anyone…?”

Smiling at the wide-eyed girl in front of her, promising “You’ll be the first I’ll call.”

She seemed happy with this response and it was only then that Clarke realised how truly _young_ Octavia looked, despite only being one year younger than her. She immediately guessed it had something to do this with this elusive protective quality that she alluded her older brother to having.

He bore it so she didn’t have to, she realised.

Clarke didn’t know a huge amount about their past, but Abby had brought up since _that_ dinner how their mother had died of lung cancer when Octavia was young and Bellamy was caring for her unbeknownst to social workers, who had thought they were living with a relative. It was only when Kane got assigned to their case, being an officer in the force back then, that it dawned on him he had known their mother, Aurora.

One look at Octavia was all it took, and a DNA test later, it was confirmed that he was her biological father. Of course, he’d taken them both into his care, being a responsible and naturally caring type of man. Clarke knew this about him at least.

Abby had tried to reserve judgement of the deceased Aurora but had failed in front of Clarke, citing that Marcus had deserved to know he had a daughter.

Clarke agreed but it really wasn’t her business to gossip. Besides, she wasn’t really interested in talking about anything that related back to the Blakes with her mother, especially as one in particular had made it abundantly clear his opinion of her and those like her.

It was like he’d blinked and suddenly decided he could side-line her into the stereotype of all privileged people; hating her for what she couldn’t change about herself, as much as she had tried.

And Clarke _hated_ that.

“Earth to Clarke?!”

Octavia waved a hand in front of her face, wearing a confused smile, as her plait tipped from lying on her shoulder to falling onto her back.

She blushed, muttering an apology, which was brushed away by O, pointing erratically to the door, “Are those your friends?”

Regaining composure, she nodded quickly, “Yep, that’s them” she said, calling them over, “This is Raven, Harper and Maya, who you already know of course from work” she noted, remembering they both worked at the same elementary school.

Maya had become an art teacher last year and had met Octavia in the staffroom earlier that month, her being a first-year student teacher instead but in charge of the kinder-garden class, rather than a specific subject. Clarke would have loved to teach art herself, but her passion for it was satiated as merely a hobby. Maya and her had begun volunteering just a few weeks prior teaching art to cared-for children at the local multi-purpose community centre. Despite her love for the Arts and pressure from her mother, Clarke had always known herself that her career had lain in medicine, a gravitas that had intensified rather than dulled as some would expect since the death of her Father and of course, Wells.

They began to spread themselves out around the table, making their introductions to Octavia, whilst she merrily chatted away, freakily able to get on with pretty much anybody she met.

Raven turned to Clarke whilst she had the other two drawn into a conversation, placing a hand on her shoulder to get her attention.

“You good Griffin?” she asked, a hint of worry flickering in her eyes, the swing of her signature ponytail slowing down as she settled in her chair.

Clarke smoothed down her red tunic top and gripped her best friend’s hand with her own to reassure her, “It’s been a struggle, but kind of cathartic to talk to him again-”

Raven waited with eyebrows raised, indicating for her to continue.

“-And you were right. Coming here has definitely taken my mind off of it” she admitted with a heavy sigh of relief leaving her chest.

She smiled triumphantly, but before she could get up to order their drinks, Octavia shot up, eager to please.

“Let me get the drinks this round, it’s the least I can do for interrupting your girl’s night.”

Harper let out a laugh, “Who am I to say no to a free drink”, and lightly touching her arm, she added, “and you haven’t interrupted anything, I promise.”

Maya joined in, “Yeah, I mean I’m just here to hear more about this mystery guy Clarke banged a few weeks back. In his truck of all places! He was hot.”

“Scandalous” Octavia commented, a wicked grin forming on her face. If she remembered that Clarke was supposedly in a committed relationship with a Dr Finn Collins, she didn’t let it show.

Clarke’s breath hitched in her throat when it dawned upon her a conversation was about to begin in which they expected her to dish about Octavia’s brother.

Except, Octavia did not know that this person Clarke had slept with was her own brother. And her best friends did not know that this person, who Raven knew was Bellamy, was also Octavia’s brother, and therefore inexplicably now a permanent fixture in her life until her mother freaked out and sent Marcus packing as she had made an unchangeable habit of doing.

She hoped so at least, for her sake.

Clarke glanced to her left, ready to interrupt Raven if she so much as mentioned his name in front of the others.

Except she sat there with a hesitant expression on her face, focusing in on Octavia specifically before she said, “You look really familiar.”

She shrugged in response, “I get that a lot. But weirdly I sort of recognise your face too from somewhere.”

The two girls stared at each other whilst Clarke’s panicked gaze flitted between them, desperately thinking of a subtle way to separate the two to delay the inevitable.

She wasn’t that sure why she was so against her friends making the discovery that she had seen Bellamy again, and that she was sure he despised her and her family. Maybe she wanted to preserve the memory of the guy who had danced with her, taken her mind off of everything, held her, protected her, and not let it collide with the memory of that man who she had argued with that night at dinner.

Or maybe, she just didn’t want Octavia to find out she had slept with her older brother, which would increase the risk of Abby finding out, which would not only immediately ruin the pretence she was in a stable relationship with Finn but would also aggravate Bellamy further, who seemed quite eager to forget he had ever touched her.

Yep, that seemed like a more pressing concern.

“Where do you work?”

“I’m new in town. Clarke’s got a connection of some sort who hooked me up with a job at the station.”

That would be Marcus Kane, the chief of police, and Octavia’s father. Clarke was watching two of her worlds collide at record speed, not entirely sure she was braced for the impact of what was to happen.

“You must know my older brother then!” Octavia exclaimed, announcing proudly “He’s training to become a detective.”

Why in hell did she consider introducing Octavia to her friends as a sensible idea?

Raven nudged Clarke teasingly, who was struggling to contain the panic bubbling up in her, “You didn’t tell me there was an older brother at this dinner party too?” before turning back to Octavia, “Probably. I’ve only just recently started though in forensics, what’s his name?”

Clarke knocked her glass subtly off the table before Octavia could open her mouth in response, and it produced a resounding smash on the floor as it hit it.

“God, I’m such a klutz, I’m so sorry!” she winced apologetically, head bent down attempting to pick up broken shards of glass with her bare hands, really just to hide her flushed face until it returned to a natural colour.

“No worries! I’ll grab you a new one!”

Octavia swung back around and headed towards the bar, a spring in her step.

Harper spoke up first whilst Raven pulled Clarke back to her seat to let the janitor clean the mess up.

“I’m sorry but am I missing something here?”

Maya leaned in, huffing in agreeance.

Clarke exhaled, whispering under her breath at a volume she was unsure the girls could even hear her at, “Please can we just drop the subject of Bellamy tonight?”

They looked at her, faces filled with confusion, until Raven’s contorted into something entirely different.

“You have got to be kidding me Griffin.”

Clarke shook her head, already cradled in his hands, her blonde hair ruffled.

“I really wish I could tell you that.”

It had clearly dawned on Raven where she had recognised Octavia from. I mean the girl had just started seeing John Murphy who lived in an apartment with Bellamy, that much she knew. If they were as close as Clarke had been told, she was certain the place would be littered with her things and photos of her.

Both of them were commitment-phobes, unwilling to get close to anyone in case they lost them. Clarke knew this much about her best friend’s track record anyway, and she was fairly certain they hadn’t put a label on anything, keeping it casual, so Raven can’t have been there that often in the past month.

Harper and Maya still sat across from them, irrevocably confused. Yet, before she could explain Octavia’s connection to the hot, mystery guy she had had sex with a few weeks before, and how Octavia could not, under any circumstances, find out exactly how well she knew him, a name was screamed out and the noise broke the tension between them, even over the music.

“Bellamy, you came!”

Octavia squealed in delight and threw her arms around her brother, who had just walked into the bar.

A bar which Clarke had selected specifically because he did not work here. It seemed that this effort did not matter in a world in which the universe was hell bent on putting two people who couldn’t be more opposite in the same location, way too often.

“Well you did text me and tell me it was an emergency, so…”, his words muffled as he mumbled into her shoulder when she clung on.

Octavia grinned and Clarke felt physically sick even from watching it unfold from where she sat.

She had purposely invited him here.

Clarke wanted to hit herself there and then for not realising it had been her brother Octavia had been messaging just a half an hour before.

“And it is an emergency” she promised, grabbing his hand without warning and leading him to their table, “You two need to start getting along for Abby and Dad’s sake. I don’t know what happened between you at the dinner party, but I am now calling an unofficial official truce.”

Clarke slowly lifted her head upwards and she came face to face with a very pissed off looking Bellamy Blake. His lips were pulled into a straight line and his fists clenched by his sides, seemingly very on edge.

She dropped her head again pretty soon after that, unable to meet his gaze. Why did she suddenly feel like she was in the wrong somehow? It wasn’t her fault he took an instant dislike to her, hating her before he really knew her.

“O-“ he started, exasperated, muttering a string of inaudible curse words under his breath.

Raven chuckled, “Oh this should be good”, slurping her Pina Colada noisily and relaxing back into her chair, whilst Clarke stared at her with a pained expression on her face, unable really to look at anybody else.

But Clarke knew that any more involvement with Bellamy Blake could ultimately only be a bad thing.

It would be very, very bad for them both.

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please remember to comment and leave kudos if you liked it because they motivate me so much lol
> 
> if you guys even care i get my a level results on thursday and i have my drivers theory test on friday so im pretty busy at the moment, but i'm still sticking by getting an update out by/on tuesday 18th august. see you then!


	5. We're Venus And Mars, We're Like Different Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellarke-filled chapter for you guys! Tried to mix in some canon lines too :)
> 
> AND a new character is introduced at the end, who I will be adding to the tags. Can you guess who it is??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry the update is a week late! 
> 
> Chapter title is from Wouldn't Change a Thing by Demi Lovato/Joe Jonas from the Camp Rock Soundtrack lmao, don't judge me it played while I wrote this chapter and I couldn't believe how many of the lyrics fit with Bellarke, so here we are. 
> 
> Enjoy! <3

** Chapter 5 **

Clarke could feel his stare like a burning heat on her back as Octavia shifted in her seat, eyes frantically scanning everyone’s facial expressions to try and understand what was going on.

“What?” she demanded like a petulant child, unaware that everybody else at the table knew something she didn’t.

No one said a word, which only made her more impatient.

Turning to her brother, Octavia looked up, “Bell?”

He looked down at his sister, face unreadable, and Clarke let out a slight exhale of relief, feeling the heat on her back subside as he tore his angry gaze away from her. 

He let out a shaky breath and raked a hand through his curls, opening his mouth to speak, “Why have I been summoned out to girl’s night O? I’ve got better things to do.”

The tension at the table visibly reduced when it was clear he wasn’t in the mood to explain to his sister the current predicament they have found themselves in.

She laughed and teasingly replied, “Or… better people to do.”

Bellamy grimaced, and pushed his sister jokingly, “Ew, God Octavia. No- “ he said, after a short pause, sneaking a pointed glance at Clarke, “-well yes, but no.”

“Ooooooh Echo!”

He smirked, clearly keen to live up to the playboy description that Raven had provided her with of him that night at the Dropship, Clarke deduced.

She remained intimately focused on studying the label of the drink she was holding when he replied, “Something like that.”

Octavia, seemingly satisfied with his answer, turned to fixate her curiosity on Raven next.

The girl sat innocently sipping her drink in the corner attempting to watch in avid amusement rather than engage in the car-crash of a situation happening in front of her, “Wait Raven, what did you mean, oh this should be good?”

This girl does not give up, Clarke thought to herself.

Raven wasn’t one to get caught out and in catching Clarke’s eyes widen further as if to ask her to deflect the topic as much as possible, she forced herself to choke out a semi-plausible answer.

She stirred her straw slowly in circle inside the glass as if she was pausing for thought.

“It should be good now that Bellamy’s here” the girl said carefully, breaking the silence, to which Octavia’s eyes narrowed further, not quite convinced.

Raven received a subtle kick under the table from Clarke, pushing her to keep talking, and she frantically grabbled for something… anything really, to say.

Anything to say that wasn’t, it should be good your brother is now here Octavia, as we were just talking about how he fucked Clarke here in his truck a few weeks ago and none of knew the two people were the same person until he walked through that door, that is.

“He’s really hot, I mean-” was the line that she decided on, to which Bellamy raised his eyebrows at in amusement, and cut her off before her rambling could go on.

“Careful Reyes or I’ll tell Murphy” he joked, his smile bringing to prominence the dimples Clarke hadn’t seen since that night at the Dropship.

Raven blushed furiously.

They’d only been seeing each other on and off the past month or so, and it had become sort of textbook in the past for Raven to pull the rip cord before something got more serious than just casual dating.

And so naturally, almost every person at the table was taken aback by the sudden show of emotion on their straight-talking, cynical-about-love, friend’s face.

That is, apart from Octavia.

“Wait…” she said slowly, things starting to come together in her head, “You’re that Raven?!”

Somehow her face managed to redden further, and if Clarke wasn’t so concerned about how Bellamy and her were going to mask their obvious disdain towards each other in front of his sister, because as far as she knew they barely knew one another, she’d be curious about how serious this thing with Murphy was.

Raven didn’t like getting close to anyone in case they hurt her, similarly to Clarke, and it was because of this that Clarke was one of the only people she had ever trusted enough to let in.

She’d never had a real family apart from with Sinclair, and Finn, once upon a time, and they all knew how _that_ had ended.

“Guess so” she responded with a small smile, pushing a loose strand of mousy-brown hair that had fallen from her ponytail behind her ear. But quickly feeling the gaze of everyone on the table on her, her face snapped back to its normal composure and she added, “I don’t know any other Ravens, do you?”

Octavia opened her mouth in haste, keen to spill all she’d heard about her from Murphy, who to her, Clarke figured, must be like a second brother.

But before she could, Bellamy placed a warning hand on her arm to tell her to tone it down, and her head snapped to face her brother in annoyance.

It was almost like watching a father parent his child upon finding them with their hand in a sweet jar with unspoken words, except with a much more disobedient child.

She got the message though, instead choosing to switch the topic to Murphy’s odd love of dipping fries in a milkshake, to which Raven was more than happy to discuss, her face lighting up.

Clarke breathed an almost sigh of relief when it became clear she had escaped having to explain to Octavia how well she really knew her brother.

He raised his eyebrows at her relief at not being caught, “Having fun, Princess?”

“Plenty” she replied bluntly, before pausing and adding, “And don’t call me that.”

“Why? It’s what you are,” he spat back in a hushed whisper, his mouth drawn tightly into a straight line, although why she was looking at his mouth instead of his eyes, she did not know.

Deciding to be brave with alcohol flowing through her veins and try it, she looked up into his dark brown eyes, encased by long eyelashes, and remembered why.

Clarke crossed her arms against her chest and leaned back in the chair.

“Well if we all called each other by what we are, _Bellamy_ ” she said, putting a strained emphasis on his name as if even the saying it brought her immense pain, “Then you’d be a dick.”

“I have a dick correct, well done Dr Princess.”

She blushed, ignoring his ignorance of her hatred for that nickname, retorting “I know that” with a huff.

He was now the one to lean back in his chair across from her, crossing his arms behind his head arrogantly.

“Oh, I know” he replied, winking, before taking a slug of his beer.

Her eyes widened in disbelief, grinding down on her teeth angrily.

How could one guy be so infuriatingly sure of himself and what other people were before he even really knew them (her)? It pissed her off, sure. But more than that, it attracted her in a way she wasn’t ready to even admit to herself.

She had to hate him for it because if she didn’t, she wasn’t sure how else to cover up how much she really didn’t hate him.

Clarke knew him and yet she didn’t really, not at all.

But deep down, a selfish part of her she knew she wanted to.

One thing she wanted to do more right now, she thought to herself, pursing her lips, was get drunk.

Like really drunk, she decided.

*

Bellamy Blake decides that he hates his sister upon peering into the bar and immediately seeing a girl sitting opposite from her, curled up in her chair, blonde curls cascading down her back.

He tries to make a quick getaway but failing to go unnoticed given his tall stature and build, Octavia calls out his name, launching herself into his arms.

“Bellamy, you came!”

He huffs into her hair, wrapping his arms tight around her.

“Well you did text me and tell me it was an emergency, so…”

He then swears he can feel her smiling against his broad shoulder, and so whispers into her ear so nobody else can hear them.

“O… what is this really about?”

She pulls away to face him, obscuring her face from the table of girls she stood in front of, tapping her nose quickly, a mischievious grin forming.

Bellamy tilted his head to the side as if to warn her off, but catching Clarke abundantly staring at him from the table, he suddenly forgets what he was even about to lecture his sister about, her mouth falling slack of its ability to move.

She quickly looks away as soon as their eyes meet, so fast that he can’t even be sure that it happened, and he snaps back to listen to the ramblings of his sister.

“Anyways I was saying that it’s time to call an unofficial official truce.”

Right, he thinks to himself, not really able to grasp what Octavia was talking about before he is physically dragged against his will, sneakers sliding across the wooden floor, towards a very pissed-off looking Clarke Griffin.

He tries to make an excuse to leave but is thwarted by Raven, who surprise, surprise is also present at this so-called ‘emergency’ his sister had graciously texted him about the previous 2 hours.

Fifteen times.

In a row.

“Oh, this should be good.”

Bellamy watched on in amusement as Raven attempted to backtrack under the scrutiny of his sister, who he’d always referred to endearingly as his little mole. He only interrupted to add a few smarmy remarks, which he noticed always earnt a muffled snort into her drink from Clarke.

Once settled in his chair opposite the blonde staring daggers at him when she thought he wasn’t looking, (he was in the police force and not as blind as an increasingly tipsy princess seemed to believe he was), he decided to take the opportunity to provoke her as much as possible.

Unsurprisingly, as the night went on, she proved that she could give as much as she got, back.

“Listen here, _asshole_ ” she slurred, her grip on her glass loosening, “I will bet you $50 that the 1969 Moon Landing was a political move and never actually happened.”

Bellamy struggled not to laugh.

“Listen here, _princess_ ” he threw back, “Even if that was true. Which it is not. How would you prove it, hm?”

Her face scrunched up in thought at this and she suddenly looked much younger than her actual age.

She was 5 years younger than him, according to Kane, and he was 29, so that made her 24, he guessed.

She innocently tapped her lower lip, and his gaze drifted for a millisecond, but she didn’t seem to notice, tangled up the throngs of a drunken haze.

“I would go there” she said.

“How?” he probed, his head leaning on the curve of his hand, elbow propped up by the table.

“Well, you would drive me there” she said, matter-of-factly.

“To the moon?”

“Yeah… in your truck-”

Clarke stifled a giggle at the mention of his vehicle, pausing her train of thought momentarily.

“-where we fucked?” he finished the sentence for her, a gleeful smile spreading across his face.

“Hey. That rhymed!” she pointed out, instinctively reaching across to shove him playfully in the chest, eyes widening innocently as if she’d never heard the word before, let alone actually partaken in the activity.

Especially not with _him._

Her reciprocated smile instilled a warmth throughout Bellamy that went straight to his dick, his face heating up and forcing him to rake a hand through his hair to break the atmosphere between them.

It was then that he clocked Raven giving them a look, her head titled sideways slightly as if she couldn’t quite understand why he was so flustered.

He couldn’t either. It was pretty hot in the bar though.

He really needed to rein it in a bit. This girl was the Anti-Christ, the epitome of everything he hated about upper-class society, everything he had always protested he wouldn’t become.

It was acceptable with Echo because she blatantly only saw him as an object and nothing more, and as much as he hated to admit it, the feeling was mutual.

But something told Bellamy that it couldn’t be the same with Clarke, and the thought itself scared him enough to stay the hell away from crossing that invisible line.

_Again._

That thought popping into his head brought his ass back down the ground pretty quickly.

She’d clearly picked up on the way his body had tensed up, even in her state, her hand still lingering near his heart, so she withdrew it quickly.

The sudden movement came as a surprise to her other hand, her being ridiculously uncoordinated by this point, forcing a loss of grip on the glass.

It fell, smashing on the floor under her chair, causing her to jump upwards in panic, chair scraping backwards against the wooden floorboards. The other girls were shocked out of their conversation, heads snapping to see the situation unfurling before them.

“Jesus Christ, Clarke!” Bellamy cursed, simultaneously getting up to inspect the damage she’d caused and grabbing tissues to mop up the spilt liquid, unaware of the effect his close proximity was having on her.

She seemed hurt upon his first remark, but quickly re-assumed a poker face, answering back “I’m so sorry Bellamy, not all of us can be perfect, like you” she retorted in a sarky tone.

He looked up at her from his crouching position, his face weary.

“She’s right, Big Brother, we can’t all be Princesses all the time” Octavia joked, sending a sly look his way.

Clarke narrowed her eyes at her, making O back off immediately.

“I’m just kidding Clarke” she teased, brushing hair that had fallen out of her plait back behind her ears, “Wow, you’re an angry drunk. Remind me not to get on your bad side after a few Vodka Cokes.”

“I’m usually a lot funnier after a few drinks” she huffed, arms crossed over her chest, trying to take a few unstable steps backwards in her heels to give the bartender space to clear up the glass.

Bellamy at this point remembered that a) he was not working tonight, b) this wasn’t even the usual bar he tended at, deciding to let the guy in front of him, clear Clarke’s mess up.

She wasn’t his problem.

“I wonder why I’m not getting the same royal treatment all your usual drinking buddies get.”

“For one, you aren’t my ‘buddy’” she retorted, her words less slurred now but still as uncontrolled, “And secondly, I don’t like you.”

Her stare was unwavering as she seemed to try and gage the effect her words had had on him.

He wasn’t stupid enough to let _that_ show.

“You don’t like me, hm? He said, now standing upright, taking a step closer to her.

“Nope” she announced, popping the ‘p’ for emphasis.

“You seemed to lik-“ he started, mouth upturning into a wicked smile, not really thinking about the consequences of his words.

Raven had clearly sensed where his remark was heading, and being the level-headed and more importantly, sober, woman that she was, butted in.

“Hey, let’s all get some air!” she blurted out, and began to gather her things, ushering a confused Harper, Maya and Octavia out of their seats. Clarke nodded slowly, processing the information a bit slower than the rest, who were more sober, and trailed after them as fast as she could manage in her high heels.

Bellamy scratched the back of his head, now standing abandoned by the table, watching the girls amble towards the exit.

“You coming or what Blake?” Raven called back to him, hand situated on her hip. 

“Uh-“ he started, but before he could even summon a reply, she interrupted him again, “Call your friends…”

Thinking it over in her head, she added meekly, “Or y’know, just the one friend.”

He grinned at her knowingly, “Got it. What should I tell this friend?”

“Tell him we’re going star-gazing and he needs to bring blankets-” she paused, mid-sentence, “And alcohol… but none for this one” she decided, pointing at Clarke, who had sat down, forehead leant against the bar, clearly unable to stay standing for the 2 seconds they had stopped walking toward the door.

He nodded, and remembering it was her first day in his assembled team tomorrow, given her recent transfer to Arkadia PD, he got her attention again, “Hey Raven?”

“What?”

“Welcome to the team.”

*

“What’s up motherfuckers?”

“Jasper!” Maya said mockingly, and turning to Harper, said, “See, this is why I never bring him to staff parties.”

“I thought that was only because you said they might drug test me” he asked innocently, pulling her closer to his chest on the blanket they were lying on.

“Well, that too” she sighed, chuckling, “I swear to god, I teach art to little five-year olds, and yet my boyfriend is a complete pot-head. Does that make me immoral?”

Harper just started laughing uncontrollably, much to Monty’s discomfort, and Jasper feigned hurt for a few seconds, his mouth hanging wide open, before putting on an easy smile.

Once Maya and Harper had heard that Murphy was being invited to come star-gaze with them, they both pulled their phones out, eagerly texting their boyfriends. That was how a girl’s night turned into 3 couples, 2 siblings and a tipsy Clarke sharing a few blankets on a grassy hill under an especially starry night sky.

Raven continued to insist on their walk to the park that she was not in a ‘couple’, and actually did not have a boyfriend; Murphy was just a friend.

Clarke had just snorted, saying “That’s not what you called him last night Reyes”, which he had to admit, had made Bellamy double over in fits of laughter.

He could see the humour behind her insults when they were directed towards others, he guessed.

Octavia, who already knew Maya pretty well from work, piped up from next to Bellamy, “No, it makes you decidedly cool.”

Jasper laughed erratically, probably a side effect of the weed, he decided.

“I like you” Jasper announced after a short pause, before sitting more upright and striking his arms out to the side in an over-exaggerated fashion, “We should keep her.”

Octavia sniggered, casting a look at Bellamy, wiggling her fingers in his face, “Ha!”

He pushed them away, moving his face away from his grasp, whilst being careful not to fall straight into Clarke’s lap, given that the Blonde was lying down next to him, albeit not really gazing at the stars but more zoned-out of the conversation.

“Hey! We like Bellamy as well” Raven argued, catching his eye and winking.

“But not too much, right?” Murphy joked, sliding an arm around her waist and tugging her back down to lay on his chest, like the other couples were doing.

Raven ignored him, swotting his hand away to stay sat up, which just earnt her a heavy sigh from him as he gave up, head lolling back against the blanket.

“Right Clarke? We want Bellamy to stay?”

Raven had given him the basic run-down of their friendship group back at the bar. There was Maya and Harper, who he’d already met. Then their boyfriends, Jasper and Monty, who together, managed the Green’s family-owned bakery in downtown Arkadia. Then there was Jackson who worked with Clarke at the hospital, as well as Finn, who Raven mentioned under gritted teeth, was not welcome any longer. They both knew there was no reason to introduce Clarke, as Bellamy had deduced the minute he walked into the bar Raven knew precisely how well they knew each other. She explained that Clarke had grown up here with Jasper, Monty and Maya along with a guy named Wells, who she didn’t expand on, so Bellamy didn’t press her on the subject. Raven had recently moved here after transferring to his station for the promotion, but already knew the group as she went to college with Clarke.

She snorted from next to him, tilting her head up and leaning it on her hand, whilst looking up into Bellamy’s face.

“Bellamy can do whatever the hell Bellamy wants” she mumbled, dropping her head back down onto the ground for emphasis once she had stuttered out the remark, which earnt her a bang to the back of her head that Bellamy had easily deduced by her not-so-subtle attempts to rub it.

“I’m going to take that as a yes” Monty announced to the group, letting Harper lean back onto his chest to gaze up at the night sky.

Bellamy quickly grabbed an extra blanket out of the backpack Monty had usefully brought along. Unsurprisingly, Murphy had failed to remember to bring anything other than the alcohol that Raven had requested when he had called him up to drag him out of the flat to meet up with them all.

He lifted up Clarke’s head tentatively, slipping the folded-up bundle under it to support her head.

She’d drifted into a half-sleep, and something inside him made his hand reach out to brush the few curls of blonde hair that had fallen over her eyes back behind her ear.

His hand jolted back in surprise when her blue eyes blinked open, and he coughed to clear his throat, trying to look anywhere except in them.

She looked confused, but mumbled a “Thanks”, twisting to lie on her back, eyes now content staring up at the star-lit sky above them.

“No worries.”

Bellamy leant back on his forearms to get some height over the other people he was sat with, taking a quick observation that everyone was either too busy being couple-y or in Raven’s case, talking in hushed whispers to Octavia and doing anything _but_ being couple-y with Murphy.

He didn’t seem to mind much right at that moment though, lying back blissed out with a bottle of whisky in his hand.

Bellamy added under his breath, “Plus, if that bang to the head gave you a migraine, you’d never be able to keep up with throwing insults back at me, and I would only have myself to blame.”

She giggled softly, just loud enough that he could hear her, although he was fairly sure she wasn’t aware of this.

Bellamy carefully laid back on his blanket, head turned towards Clarke, and he immediately felt the warmth that radiated from her body, arms nearly touching.

A star grabbed his attention moving across the sky at lightning speed, and he felt her gaze follow it too from the angle of her head beside him.

“Can you wish on this kind of shooting star?” she blurted aloud to no-one in particular. She seemed intent on keeping her gaze firmly situated on the night sky, and he didn’t know whether her focus was gripped there because of the alcohol running through her system or because she just didn’t want to look at him.

Bellamy stretched out an arm behind his head to create some sort of cushion for it, and wetting his lips replied, “I wouldn’t even know what to wish for.”

He felt eyes burning into his right side, and turned, seeing Raven at first, who had clearly fought against her better judgement, snuggled up into Murphy’s side. He now wore a gleeful smile, as if he couldn’t believe how lucky he was.

Bellamy’s attention quickly flitted to Octavia, who was sat upright with her head cocked to the side and eyebrows furrowed, eyes meeting his.

“What?” he asked, letting a breath out he didn’t know he had been holding.

She bit her lip, clearly holding in a laugh.

“Oh, nothing” she stated innocently, eyelashes fluttering, “Please do get back to whatever you were doing.”

He glared at her, visibly annoyed, yet for some reason, couldn’t be bothered to argue back.

He hadn’t been doing anything, after all.

*

Clarke recounted that night under the stars with her friends a week later as a reprieve from her hectic schedule as she cleaned herself up, tearing her dirty scrubs off of her skin after another messy surgery on a patient’s knee.

If she was this tired after a shift of just assisting, she couldn’t wait to see how she’d cope with being a lead surgeon on cases in 3 years time, if everything went to plan.

Most of what she could remember consisted of Jasper dancing around like a fool with Maya tugging on the frayed hem of tattered denim jeans to get him to sit back down, embarrassed but clearly head-over-heels into love with the goofball.

They had all grown up together along with Monty, but it had taken so long for the two of them to realize their feelings for one another in a romantic context, rather than simply platonic.

They really were idiots in love.

Clarke also had a vivid memory of Murphy downing a whole bottle of whisky and running down the hill wearing only his boxers, screaming “I’m the king of the world” with Raven cheering him on, but she couldn’t be 100% sure.

What was weirder was that she was certain Bellamy had actually been nice to her at one point, propping up her aching head with a make-shift pillow.

Yeah, that definitely couldn’t have happened.

She hadn’t seen him look at her without a flash of contempt and ill-feeling in his eyes since the dinner party back in September.

Grabbing her stuff, she exited the hospital and walked over to the drop-off zone in the car park, waving at Maya through the car window who had come to pick her up on their way to the volunteer work they did together every Tuesday.

It was a new thing they were doing but Clarke felt oddly positive about it, because despite her work at the hospital being community-facing, she usually didn’t get to see what happened to them afterwards. However, her work in the art studio at the community centre for youths in care meant that she could follow developments in the lives of the kids she was trying to improve.

Plus, she got to draw and paint, which was an added bonus given her otherwise jam-packed calendar with not only in-hospital work but exams to revise for. She was still in medical school, as her immediate superior, Dr Sydney, just LOVED to remind all of the students on rotation of.

“Good day at work?” she asked, as she slid into the passenger seat.

Clarke huffed, replying, “At least I don’t have to deal with avoiding Finn on top of the stress of Med School.”

“Sinclair sorted that right?”

Clarke nodded, leaning her forehead against the cool glass pane of the window, and Maya glanced at her sympathetically.

“You heard anything from the asshole?”

“Before or after I blocked his phone number and all on all my socials?”

Maya chuckled in response, flexing her grip on the steering wheel as she drove them the 5 minutes to the community centre.

“I’m just relieved he hasn’t had the bright idea to contact my mother. I mean he could have done, he worked at the same bloody hospital as both of us.”

Maya tilted her head to the side, and looking confused, asked, “Why are you so relieved? Your mom would end his ass quicker than you can, no offence.”

She began to fidget with the tassels of the keychain that sat in her lap, unable to look her friend in the eye.

It wasn’t long until Maya clocked what was going on.

“I can’t believe you haven’t told her” she said, pausing before adding with a rueful smile on her face, “Actually I totally can believe that. You are Clarke Griffin, after all.”

“Hey!” she feigned annoyance, poking her in the arm jokingly, “I just don’t want to be a disappointment. All she ever goes on about is how amazing Finn is and how beautiful our babies would be.”

“Jesus Christ” Maya exclaimed, peering in her right-hand mirror as she signalled to turn into the centre car park, “Okay, I no longer blame or judge you.”

“Thank you” Clarke said, satisfied.

“But I do agree, you would have made pretty adorable children” she admitted, pulling the car round to find a parking space.

Clarke got the feeling she hadn’t finished talking though.

She was correct.

“But you know who else would be a great Daddy to your spawn?”

She grimaced, laughing, “What a great way to put it, Maya”, before asking “Who?”, expecting her to say Sam Claflin or something, she was obsessed with that movie he was in with Lily Collins, Love, Rosie.

“Bellamy Blake” she said, eyes twinkling.

Clarke’s mouth dropped open, but before she could protest the absurdity to that statement, she realised her friend was no longer looking at her, but following the figure of a man with black curly hair and an athletic build walking out of the building and towards a truck.

“You have got to be kidding me!” Clarke exclaimed, throwing her arms up into the air and then back into her lap for added dramatic effect, “I swear I keep seeing him everywhere.”

“Maybe the universe is trying to tell you something” Maya offered, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Yeah” she snorted, “That he’s bad news and I need to distance myself from him further.”

Maya shook her head in mock defeat, and unlocked the car doors, letting both girls out. They quickly shoved their belongings away into the lockers reserved for volunteer staff and headed into the Art Studio, ready to greet the kids.

Before Clarke could even get a word out, a pair of arms flung themselves around her waist, holding on tightly for dear life.

“Clarke!” the little girl screamed, looking up in earnest at her, big blue eyes blinking up. She hugged her back, before crouching down to be at the same eye-level.

“Hey Madi” she said between laughing, embracing the little girl she had grown to adore over the past few months back tightly.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment if you enjoyed it, they really motivate me to keep writing!
> 
> If people care about my life, I passed that driving theory test and my final A-Level Grades are AAB (annoyed at getting a B in English Lit because I love writing clearly but never mind!), so I'm headed off to my first choice Uni in Sept - University of Birmingham (in the UK). Really pleased about it, but I've been stressing about getting sorted for moving out so that's why I struggled to get the chapter out on time, sorry again!
> 
> Next update will be before next Wednesday (2nd), see you then!


	6. I Could Be Anything You Like

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madi and Clarke play Princesses, Belltavia are classic Belltavia bc we need that shit rn and some Princess Mechanic because their friendship is adorable. 
> 
> Chapter Title is from Grace Kelly by MIKA 
> 
> SLIGHT TW: DESCRIPTIONS OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOT A SPOILER WARNING BUT I TALK ABOUT MY DEPRESSION AFTER 7X13 SO DONT READ UNLESS YOU WANT ANXIETY
> 
> i know a lot of fan fic readers/writers don't watch the show anymore, but it has absolutely destroyed me and I was really struggling before to get this chapter out but knowing I escape to fan fiction when the show gets me down, I realise a lot of others may do the same, so I forced myself to update for you guys! I won't talk about the events of 7x13 because if you've watched it, you'll know what I'm talking about and I am just absolutely devasted and mad beyond belief at how Jason has contorted these characters I love so much to the point where they are unrecognisable and make choices that are so out-of-character and illogical, it actually hurts to type it out. 
> 
> i love you all and hopefully we can get through this together! do remember that bellarke are married and happy in the books and beliza are happily married in reality because that always makes me feel better :)

** Chapter 6 **

Clarke managed to distract herself by busying herself with the kids, which for the time being had prevented thoughts drifting to what Bellamy was even doing at the youth centre.

I mean it was perfectly plausible for him to be there.

He was a police officer, after all. 

No wait… Detective?

Octavia had mentioned that that passed his exams and been promoted to the position the other night; a memory that brought a smile to Clarke’s lips, remembering how proud she looked of her big brother, ruffling his hair despite the fact he had to be nearly thirty, and the bashful expression he wore that followed.

A small tug on her sleeve made Clarke look down to see Madi staring up at her, a mischievous grin on her face. 

“Come on! I want to play Princesses again!” she demanded, dragging her by the fabric of clothing she was clinging onto towards the designated corner of the room that Clarke had created a few weeks back.

Her and Maya were there to participate in art-related activities, as Maya taught a few of the kids where she worked and had been told about the scheme by a fellow staff member. His name was Lincoln, if she remembered correctly.

It all started as a joke, since Madi had refused to call her anything other than Princess, as according to her – Clarke looked just like one.

As much as being called it didn’t sit well with her, which she made obvious by her disdain at also being called it smarmily by Bellamy every now and again when he wanted to throw her off during arguments, it was really hard to say no to a child, so the nickname stuck. 

Even harder to say no to a child you knew didn’t have much to smile about in life, with no permanent family or stable home.

Madi’s hand slipped from gripping her sleeve into her hand, stopping to interlace her small fingers with Clarke’s bigger ones.

She was pretty sure her heart burst right then and there.

“Will you let me braid your hair?”

Again, how could she possibly refuse her?

“Lead the way, Princess Madi”

Madi giggled, baring the gap in her smile where one tooth had clearly fallen out in the past week, climbing up onto the stool and instructing her to sit crossed legged in front of it, so she could play with her hair.

“You lost your tooth?”

“Yep!” she grinned proudly, “Weird thing is, I found some money under my pillow from the tooth fairy, but that’s never happened before!”

“Maybe they get confused about your address” she pointed out.

“Maybe…” she said slowly, carefully dividing Clarke’s hair into two sections, eyes wide at the golden locks spread about across her small palms, “… I don’t think tooth fairies are real” she decided, beginning one plait.

Clarke remembers how shocked she was when Madi had told her a month or so ago that she could braid hair, considering that this girl was 8 years old and had never had a stable maternal figure in her life, as far as she knew of.

This prompted her to ask Anya about Madi’s background and had received the sympathetic smile that always came when talking about orphaned children. Her parents had died in a car accident when she was 4, she had told her, and with no remaining family members to take her in, she’d fallen into the care system.

But apparently, she did have a foster carer who looked after her part of the week to give her some rest-bite away from the other kids.

Clarke knew she didn’t particularly get on with many of the other children at her care home, a divide that was exacerbated further by her gravitating towards adults rather than kids her own age to play with.

Clarke was trying to encourage Madi to get to know some of them better, worried she was distancing herself too much, and for the most part, it was actually working. She’d now invited Luca and Charlotte to play with them in the Kingdom Corner, as she had so lovingly named it. She remembered with a smile on her face how they had painted the banner together and hung it up above the fairy lights and bits of carpet they had spread across the floor.

“Why don’t you think they’re real sweetheart?” Clarke asked, wincing as she pulled on her hair to maintain the tightness of the braid.

“I think my Dad snuck in and put it under my pillow last night” she whispered, as if it was a secret nobody else was allowed to hear.

“Your Dad?” she asked, confused, turning around to look at the little girl perched behind her, legs swinging under the stool.

“My foster dad” she hesitantly corrected herself, with a sad smile.

Clarke’s heart ached for her. No child should have to exist within several homes with no stable family life, no siblings, and no real parents.

But Madi continued to ramble on with her face lit up, seemingly unbothered, telling her all about how great he was but could never pass for a fairy as he was ‘too tall’ and ‘fairies don’t have beards’, which apparently sometimes, he did have.

She explained with a smile that reached her eyes that they looked alike and people at school from time to time assumed he was her actual dad, which made her happy.

Continuing to braid her hair, Clarke pondered her words, “Let me get this right, you believe in princesses but not fairies?”

“Yup”

“So, what does that make your dad if he’s not a fairy?” she whispered back, willing to humour her.

Madi leaned closer to her ear as she plaited, somehow keeping the braid tight against her scalp. Clarke could already tell this one was going to stay wearable for days yet, and she was relieved that she wouldn’t have to deal with it. It was relatively long, and she’d always wanted to cut it since things ended with Finn almost a month and a half ago but hadn’t had the heart to do so since becoming closer to Madi.

“He’s a knight, silly” she scolded, as if this was blatantly obvious.

“A knight?” she said, eyebrows furrowed, “Why not a prince?”

“That was what I said!” she laughed, “But he sat me down and told me in no way was he a prince or a king or anything important.”

Clarke’s face must have contorted because Madi even picked up on her confusion and continued her explanation.

“I asked if I could call him a knight because he saved me by fostering me, and he’s told me stories of how he looked after Aunty Tavi when she was my age.”

Clarke smiled at this, somehow impressed beyond belief by the actions of a man she didn’t even know.

Madi giggled, tying off one of the braids with an elastic band, “He agreed after a lot of persuasion.”

“A lot?”

“Okay” she admitted, with a sly grin, “Maybe not a lot of persuasion… I mean who can say no to this face?”

She put her hands on her cheeks and pouted, opening her eyes wide and fluttering her long eyelashes.

“Well, I for one certainly can’t” Clarke laughed, “That’s how we are sat here right now with me letting you style my hair!”

She put her pinkie finger up in the air and twirled her other finger upwards in a spiral around it, and Clarke cocked her head to the side curiously.

“It’s what Aunty Tavi does when Dad gives in and lets me have my way. It’s like our secret language because he’s too blind to see” she shared, shifting in her seat, “Now turn back around, I need to do the other one.”

“You got it Princess” she complied, swivelling back round, “Did she teach you how to braid?”

Madi re-adjusted her grip on the three sections of hair she grasped in her hands, “She’s always done my hair before I go back to the care home because it gets knotty when its down and no-one helps me sort it there. It always lasts until I’m picked up again, and she’s taught me how to do it on others.”

She laughed as if recalling a memory, “Dad tries but he isn’t very good at it. Tavi says he’s lost his knack for it, because he used to do her hair too.”

Clarke again was confused by this, given her mom had always done her hair as a child, even despite her busy schedule at the hospital.

She added to clarify, “They didn’t have a mom either.”

*

She’d been home from the youth centre for a few hours, laid back on the couch, happily munching on popcorn as she resumed her marathon ploughing her way through the Harry Potter film series.

Yes, she was a nerd, and what about it?

A knock on the door forced her to clamber out of the blanket cocoon she had created, and with a huff, stomped over to open it.

She stopped right before reaching for the doorknob, now pertinently aware that it couldn’t be Raven, who not only had her own keys but had mentioned she’d be on a late evening shift tonight covering for some of her superiors, who had requested the night off.

It couldn’t be Finn, could it?

No, she told herself. Finn was in Chicago, hundreds of miles away from her.

To her surprise she tentatively opened the door to a delivery man holding a bouquet of flowers.

Relief flooded through her as she graciously accepted them and headed back inside, kicking the door shut behind her. She grabbed a vase to set them down in, pondering who could have sent them.

It was probably Anya for helping out so much at the centre lately, she’d make a note to thank her, but really Clarke knew the reasons for volunteering so much weren’t totally selfless but more to do with how much she had grown to care for Madi.

In truth, she really didn’t have the time for it between studying for her medical exams, taking shifts at Arkadia memorial, her social life and finding time for herself. But she made time if it meant she brought some happiness, however minute, to that little girl.

Flopping back onto the sofa, her phone vibrated, and she reached over to check her messages.

**Unknown Number: Did you like the flowers?**

Weird, she thought to herself.

She supposed Anya could have gotten her number from Maya, or even the volunteer forms that they had to fill out.

**Unknown Number: Chicago’s finest xxx**

Or not.

Clarke’s hands started to shake violently, her breathing becoming frantic, causing her phone to drop through her fingers and clatter to the floor.

Beads of sweat began to gather at her hairline threatening to fall down her face, and biting her lip, she managed to lock the door, backing away from it towards the corner of the room until she felt the solid wall against her back.

Sliding down it she had a perfect view of both the door and the fire exit in case he tried to get in. She wasn’t quite sure what had triggered this reaction but knew it was linked to the fear she felt when Finn had been angry during their relationship in the past.

Clarke wasn’t sure if his behaviour could be considered abusive, and it’s not like she could ask anyone. She hadn’t ever told anyone what he had been like when they had argued over something minor, and Raven had never hinted he had been that way with her either.

She’d established he had been a flawed guy, hence the need to cheat on her originally, but a generally nice and well-rounded person. A _good_ person.

Clarke had been really hesitant to date her best friend’s ex-boyfriend, but Raven had practically introduced them, having truly believed he had grown up since high school and would treat her right. Plus, she was basically a part of his family, since Finn’s parents had fostered her at a time before Sinclair had adopted her.

So, she had caved in and gone on a date with him.

And the majority of the time he was this great guy with big ambitions to cure this disease and that, which Clarke found very attractive in a person, having always been drawn to guys and girls alike with confidence and the desire to so better.

It was the main reason she’d gravitated towards Lexa in her senior year of high school anyways, with her get-it-done attitude and grand plans to escape Arkadia, whereas a lot of others who Clarke knew, had no clue what they were going to do and where after graduation.

She shouldn’t have been surprised when she up and left her after the graduation ceremony, citing that she wanted to ‘seek higher things’, and couldn’t do that whilst ‘attached to somebody else’.

Clarke clearly had a great track record with relationships with one leaving her and the other cheating on her.

One look at said track record would make her seem like some meek and docile dormouse that let her partners walk all over her but that wasn’t her.

But there was something about Finn in those slight moments where they were alone and he lost it for a second, where his eyes reddened in anger and nostrils flared, coming close enough that she felt cornered as he spat vile insults at her but never laying a hand on her.

He was always really sorry afterwards when he snapped out of the haze, and tried to make it up to her, promising he’d make dinner or buying her some jewellery.

Part of her was incredibly grateful he’d cheated and given her an out, because she wasn’t totally certain she could have walked out of that one on her own. On the surface, they had no visible problems, so Clarke felt she had nothing substantial or real to complain about.

That was why she was so immensely relieved that Raven had removed the discomfort of having to work around him for the following few months by getting Sinclair to transfer him to the Chicago unit.

Except she now realised the relief wasn’t just because she would be uncomfortable and heartbroken around an unfaithful ex, but because she was afraid of the lengths he would go to, to reel her back in.

Clarke shakily pulled her knees into her chest as she tried to slow her breathing to prevent herself having a panic attack.

“If he was here again, why would he have sent flowers via delivery” she said aloud, attempting to talk herself down, feeling the anxiety bubble up in her chest.

Just as she was calming down, the door began to open and Clarke curled herself up into a tight ball against the exposed brick wall, desperately hoping that it was Raven walking in and not somebody else.

*

Raven was loving her new position, having had a thoroughly great shift despite having to work longer hours that night. Kane had mentioned he was taking his kids out to his lake house tonight for the day tomorrow, which confused her to some extent, given Bellamy’s obvious aversion to superficialities such as visiting a holiday home.

Kane immediately picked up on this and explained that Madi loved it there, and if it made her happy, Bellamy would suck it up for the day if it was for her.

“Oh, that sounds like a lot of fun” she had exclaimed, trying to downplay the disappointment that flowed through her as the realization dawned upon her that Bellamy was in a relationship with someone else.

That royally screwed up the plans that her and Octavia had drunkenly cooked up at the bar the other night.

But why would she have done that knowing her brother was involved with somebody else?

She was going to the lake house too, after all, so she must have known.

Weirdly enough, she’d never heard that he was involved with someone to the extent that he’d take her away on family trips, but the name did sound oddly familiar, so she guessed that Clarke or maybe Murphy had mentioned it off the cuff and she just wasn’t paying full attention to it.

I mean it was hard to listen to the words that came out of that man’s mouth, when she was, well… staring at his mouth.

Raven was driving herself crazy debating the parameters of their ‘not-a-relationship’ relationship in her mind, torn between holding on tight him and never letting go or running away as far and as soon as possible.

Both eventualities ended up with her hurting and heartbroken though, so she tried not to dwell on it too much and settled on a comfortable medium ground that the two of them had found that seemed to suit them both.

Anyway, she had more pressing things to ready herself for than over-analyse whatever the hell she had going on with Murphy.

Whilst her new position in Tech kept her work schedule utterly packed, it had been cleared for a few days in November for a covert mission that she had been picked for, and suspecting it had something to do with Bellamy’s influence over team selection, she grilled him on it that morning. 

“Raven I picked you because you’re dedicated and insanely smart” he said, grabbing her firmly by the shoulders as if to harness a greater impact of his words onto her, before pausing with a sly smirk, “…Plus, you don’t have kids, so there’s no problem being away from home.”

“And you do have kids?” she asked sarcastically, knowing he was getting a free pass out of this trip, laughing incredulously until she realised that his face had contorted in confusion.

But before he could open his mouth to speak again, a whiny voice sang from the reception outside of the staff office, “Sterlinggggg, where’s Bell?”

The timing that this girl has, Raven thought to herself.

Impeccable.

“Yes, yes I do” he retorted haughtily before putting his hands on his thighs to stand up with a groan, which earnt a snigger from Raven, mumbling _old man_ underneath her breath as he swung the door open, beckoning his sister into the room.

Octavia flung herself down onto a chair and span several times before coming to a stop, and faced Raven, a mischievous look on her face.

“You free tomorrow night?”

“I am” Bellamy piped up from behind the newspaper he seemed so engrossed in.

“Wasn’t talking to you Grandpa” she said with a snort.

Raven laughed in unison with her, “Yeah sure, what were you thinking?”

“Bring Clarke” she said, and then more quietly, winking, “Or Murphy, it’s up to you.”

“Oh, is this a double date?” she whispered, leaning over the desk so Bellamy wasn’t able to overhear their conversation.

“Of sorts” she replied, blushing.

“In that case I’ll drag Clarke with me”

“See, the thing is my boyfriend’s coming and I really want him to meet a member of my family”, she mouthed under her breath, not wanting her brother to hear a word about his existence, “And Clarke is the closest thing I have right now, considering both my Dad and Bell would freak if they knew I was dating someone older than me.”

Raven took an intake of breath at this, knowing full well that Clarke would be totally against the use of sibling-related language, especially after considering what she’d done with Bellamy.

“How much older, Octavia?” she asked quietly, wondering how she got embroiled in her crazy life so fast.

Octavia ignored her question, adding, “Clarke could bring Finn, that’s her boyfriend, right? And you could bring Murphy-“, she trailed off, lip caught in between her teeth.

Raven’s brain had a momentary lapse where she sub-consciously dismissed that Octavia had insinuated her and Murphy were ‘dating’.

Because they definitely were not.

Her brain caught up, “I’ll bring Clarke, don’t worry” she decided abruptly, making sure Bellamy could hear her, keen to silence the younger girl.

He took that as his cue to interrupt, peering over the paper, “Bringing Clarke where?”

“None of your business, Bellamy” Octavia teased as she got up off the chair to run her fingers through his dishevelled curls.

“Stop it!” he demanded, unable to stop smiling as his sister attempted and failed to tidy up his hair.

Raven watched on with a small smile on her face, wondering what it would have been like to grow up with a sibling. She’d practically been attached to Finn’s hip since birth and still cared about him as a friend, even if he had made some huge mistakes. He’d saved her from herself so many times and helped to break down some of the walls she built up growing up in foster care before Sinclair had adopted her as an angsty pre-teen.

But she had Clarke as a best friend and living with her was the closest she’d ever felt to being part of a real family after being brought into the world of the Delinquents. She got on like a house on fire with Monty who had also done a degree in mechanical engineering, only to veer off and enter the culinary industry similarly to how she’d gone into the police force. Harper was always up for anything, forcing both of them to relax for a second and let go. Jasper was a great guy who never took himself too seriously and Maya the voice of reason that he always needed and sometimes she did herself, although she’d never admit it aloud. She didn’t know Eric Jackson all that well in the year she’d been in Arkadia, but had gathered that he was always invited out with the others, party to how they had tightened as a family unit since Wells, his boyfriend and Clarke’s best friend, had died.

“Bye O” Bellamy bellowed after Octavia who was heading towards the door, spinning back round to face the computer screen.

She spun on her heels and stuck up 8 fingers in the air to tell Raven the time she expected her at the Dropship tomorrow night.

“But wait…” Raven said, something dawning upon her, “Aren’t you still going to be at the Lakehouse tomorrow night?” she asked, not missing a beat.

Octavia’s face contorted, willing for the girl to stop talking.

“No, she has to leave early, got a parent-teacher conference at school, don’t you O?” Bellamy stated as if it wasn’t even a question from where he sat facing the screen.

“That is correct” Octavia stated, eyes widening at Raven, thrashing her arms about in the air wildly to signal her not to say anything, “I’m going down with Bell tonight, but Kane is taking me back later tomorrow.”

“Ah” Raven said, trying to disguise her knowing grin from an unaware Bellamy, who wasn’t looking but then again, that man seemed to have a sixth sense when it came to his sister from what she’d gathered in the past few months working there, so she couldn’t be too careful.

“Bell, I’ll be back at 5pm to pick you up. Kane’s getting Madi, and then we’ll head up there.”

Raven thought it was a tad weird that Kane would pick up Bellamy’s girlfriend but said nothing, convincing herself it was probably just a more convenient route from the Griffin house or something as he’d taken the day off to spend with Abby today before she headed off to Chicago for a week-long medical conference her Dad was going to be at too.

Octavia saluted her, making her way out of the office with a quick goodbye to Sterling at the reception desk, who seemed less than impressed at being interrupted from his work again.

Raven returned back to their apartment complex after a long shift, heading back up the staircase to the third floor with her arms laden with case files for the upcoming mission to work on during her day off tomorrow, before trying to open the door with her foot.

But to her surprise it was locked.

That was weird, she thought. Clarke was definitely home, it was 10pm now and she’d always left the youth centre at around 5pm.

When she’d first told her she was volunteering there, Raven had almost cried and Clarke too for the record, knowing how much her support to kids-in-care meant to her friend and how close to home a cause like that was.

Raven knocked on the door but there was no answer, so she carefully places the files onto the floor next to her feet, and fishing her keys out of her bag, unlocked the door and walked into a blacked-out apartment.

“Clarke?” she called out.

“Raven?” a voice whispered from the corner of the dark living room, where the light from outside shining through the open door allowed her to see a figure curled up into a ball at the crook where the walls met.

She flicked on the light switch and eyes adjusting to the light, rushing over to her friend and grasping her hands in her own.

“What the hell happened?” she asked, eyes wide.

Clarke gave a small nod to her phone which laid on the rug next to the sofa, and Raven turned to look, only now noticing the bouquet of flowers sat on the coffee table.

She turned back to her, seeing now in the light how obvious the tear stains were that marked her cheeks. She shuffled across the floor, reaching out to grab the phone and read the two last texts that had popped up in her notifications.

“Who the hell-“, she started, before catching herself and realising with a gulp that she only knew one person from Chicago, “I’m going to kill him”, she decided, getting up from the floor.

“Raven, no” she croaked out, getting up herself now, clearly more at ease now that she wasn’t alone in the apartment.

“Clarke-“

“It’ll only encourage him if he knows what he’s doing is affecting me.”

“Fine” she said, “But I’m blocking that number off of your phone and if I ever see him again, then I’m going to punch his lights out.”

“Raven-“ she warned.

“What?” she said, “You know I could do it.”

“Yeah, all too well, I’ve heard the stories from when he cheated on you”, Clarke said, managing a small smile.

“Too right you have”

Clarke suddenly began to feel the need to breathe heavily, panic rising up in her chest and blood rushing to her face when the silence started to creep into the apartment again.

“Hey, come on, let’s get you into bed” Raven said, her face softening, pulling her smaller frame flush into her side and guiding her to her bedroom.

“Thanks for this, I know I’m overreacting-” Clarke began to ramble but was silenced by Raven holding her finger up.

“You aren’t overreacting. He’s being creepy. You told him to stay away and he clearly didn’t listen, so you are well within your rights to be freaked out.”

Clarke stayed quiet whilst Raven pulled the covers up to her chin and tucked the sheets into the sides of the bed frame.

“I knew he was a clingy person, but I’ve never seen him act this strangely towards an ex, and believe me, he was in a lot of short-lived relationships after me” she said, pausing for thought, “I am hard to get over though, so there’s that.”

“Ha Ha” Clarke teased, pushing her friend away towards the door so she could get some sleep, “I’ll see you in the morning Rafe”

“See you Griff” she said, turning the lights out as she shut the door behind her.

Just as Clarke shifted in bed to get comfortable, head snuggled into her pillows, the door creaked open again and the light switched on again.

“What?” she groaned, her eyes slowly opening.

Raven winced from where she leant against the door frame, looking guilty.

“Sorry I just forgot to tell you…” she started slowly, and then mumbled out quickly, “Octavia invited us out tomorrow night and I told her we would both go.”

“Raven!” Clarke exclaimed, sitting up in bed.

“I’m sorry!” she said, adding with a muffled giggle, “She wants her much older boyfriend to meet a member of her family.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me” Clarke said groaning, her eyes widened, before realising what she’d said, “Wait she has a boyfriend? How much older?”

“Yep”

“Okay Christ, back to the member of the family bullshit” she sighed, “We agreed my plan was to distance myself until my mother broke it off with Marcus.”

“Well your plan isn’t working sorry to break it to you, she’s persistent.”

Clarke rubbed over her face with her hand, tugging her knees to her chest while she thought.

“Fine”

“Really?”

“Yes, but can we not have a repeat of last time we were at that bar with Octavia” she pleaded, adding to emphasise what she meant, “Bellamy isn’t going to come is he?”

“No, he’s staying up at Kane’s Lakehouse with his girlfriend” she stated blatantly, watching Clarke’s face for any signs of a reaction.

They were none.

She decided then and there that her and Octavia had been wrong when they’d spotted something between them that night under the stars.

“He’s still dating Echo?” she said, face void of emotion as if she’d asked Raven where she’d put the remote control.

“Uh no actually” she coughed, “A girl called Millie or maybe Madi or something?”

“Oh” she said, a look of confusion crossing her face for a second before it disappeared completely just as quickly.

Raven’s eyebrows quirked up at her, but she decided against saying anything to her friend.

“And just to give you a heads up, Kane seems infatuated with your Mom.’’

“It’s not Kane’s affections that’ll screw up their relationship” she said blankly, staring straight into her eyes, “She’s done it more times than I can count and she’ll do it again, and I don’t want to be close to Octavia or Bellamy for that matter when it all blows up because she got scared and ran.”

“Maybe it’s the real deal this time.”

“I know he’s your boss Raven and you want him to be happy, but she had the real deal with my Dad, and he’s dead” Clarke said, her eyes glossing over, “I’m just being realistic because it’s what we do time and time again.”

“Clarke-“

“We leave the people we care about Raven. Because at the end of the day we know that if we don’t, they’ll leave us one way or another anyway.”

Silence filled the room and Raven clutched onto the door handle, maintaining Clarke’s gaze, whose face was face wet with tears.

“Whether they die, or they cheat, it’s inevitable.”

Raven let go of the handle, walking over to sit next her to her on the bed and wrapped her arms around her.

“My Dad died on us, Wells died on us, Lexa left me, Finn _cheated_ on me” she cried, muffling her words into Raven’s shoulder.

“I’m still here” she reminded her, nudging her in the ribs with her elbow.

The cries let up, “Yeah I guess you still are” she said with a slight smile.

“And I don’t ever plan to leave you” Raven said, pulling away from their embrace to look Clarke in the eye, adding jokingly, “the rent you charge me on this place is way too good to pass up on.”

“True” Clarke laughed through her tears.

“You’ve been through shit, Clarke. More than most people. But don’t let it define you, because it helped you to become the person you are today, and that’s an amazing person, by the way.”

“I love you”

“You too, kiddo” she said, sliding off of the bed and heading towards the door.

“You do realise I’m like 3 months older than you, right?”

“Potatoes, Potatoes” Raven said, messing with the light switch.

Clarke dropped her head back onto the pillow, her face lit up as if she was recalling a memory and Raven looked over at her amused, before closing the door behind her.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do we think?? leave your comments/ideas/feelings whatever below
> 
> if you couldn't figure it out from the hella heavy hints i kept dropping, i am gonna serve some fat fosterdad!bellamy vibes and i am so excited because he would have been an amazing father! it's all gonna come to a head in the next chapter i'm thinking. 
> 
> i go to uni in a week now so in terms of my update schedule, i think realistically it'll be sometime within the next 2 weeks cause I want to settle in and be sociable to some degree haha
> 
> See you then !


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